Healing is a Miracle

There is this liminal space between the old leaving and the new coming in that seems to go on forever. I guess that’s kind of the nature of liminal spaces. It’s so painful, the void. It makes you question everything—was it all worth it? Am I always going to be alone? Am I unlovable in my authenticity? Is my truth too much of a burden? Is the purgatory of the dark night of the soul the healing spirit’s final destination? Is seeing things as they are too much to carry? There’s no going back, but do I have to keep going?

You do. You should. 

I love the adage “You never have time to do it right, but you always have time to do it over.” Rebuilding the correct way takes time. It takes patience. Honing discernment is a training ground fraught with barbs and backslides. You will make the wrong choice (although wrong is relative—if you learned from it, can it really be wrong?) waaaay after you thought you’ve figured it allll out. But one day, after learning to take this life day-by-day, forgetting to look up once in a while to see the bigger picture, you will stop to notice your progress, and you will see a gentle life you don’t recognize. You will think I know I built this with my own two hands, but it feels like it just happened. It feels like a miracle. 

And it will be. A miracle of your own resilience, your own tender heart, your own strength and courage. It will be a gift your past self left for you when they had next to nothing to give. It will be a gift your current self is refining for the future you to receive with awe, what did I do to deserve this? You healed. You chose you. You grew towards the light, you trimmed your dead leaves, you uprooted and moved on. You looked in the mirror, honest and raw, and saw the ways you could become softer, and did. Though everything you experienced told you harder and more numb was the only way to make it through, you felt it all and then some. You surrendered. You found gratitude at every wrong turn and torn-open wound. You endured every failure, betrayal, and ending with grace. Your wins only made you more humble. You embodied your purpose. You became of service. You radiated the frequency of love. You left fertile ground for others, even those who cursed your name and watched from the shadows rooting for your downfall, you did it for them, too. Knowing the world will only shift for good when we all heal. 

The blessings will start as a trickle, barely felt. Maybe they’ll be conditional—good with an expiration date, simply a glimpse of the good to come, but not yet, not yet. Then a drizzle, a brook, a stream, a rainstorm, a flood, a tidal wave. The good comes one day, in a way that leaves you overwhelmed. Is this good?!? Could it really be this good?!? It can, it is, you were there when you created it, step by grueling step. 

It’s not that there won’t be bad days, wounds triggered, heartbreaks and losses—but when they come they wash over you, like waves on the shore. You will feel your feelings, all the way through. You won’t have to search for the silver lining. You won’t have to burn it all to the ground, anymore because all that you have created will be yours. Will be true. Will be made from love. You will feel righteous in your boundaries and solid in your self-love. Your inner child won’t need tantrums, because you keep them safe.

If you’re in the thick of it, if you only see everything going but nothing coming in, if you wonder if you’ll ever feel safe or stable or like you’re living a life you love, take it from me, you will. I lived so long in that liminal space. Some days, I feel like they’re barely behind me. And I can assure you, from the depths of my soul, it will get better. It probably already has. When I started my healing journey, my only goal was I just want to feel better. And I do and I have, every day, a little better. If that’s all you have, cling to that. That’s beautiful. To feel better? That’s a miracle.

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