The Astrology of July 2025

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This month we are looking at themes of the individual versus the collective. Is there a way to find common ground, empathy, and solidarity? The stars this month tell us that a creative process or work of art may help show us the way to deeper connection. It isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, though, as we have some challenging transits in the middle of the month. The ups and downs of life are just part of the complex journey of being a soul having a human experience (or a human having a soul experience, for that matter). Try to maintain perspective as you ride the waves. Try to see the holistic experience of life as a blessing, as a teacher of nuance and resilience, as training for the great transition we will all undergo one day, as we go home to the Universe, hopefully, greeted by all those who crossed over before us. Try not to take everything so seriously– a little irreverence can go a long way, balance it out with sincerity and that’s half the battle! Take the mirror of this month to understand your process, to make note of your patterns. How do you navigate the maze of life? How do you heal? How do you create?

Just notice! It will lead to greater self-understanding. When you’re in the thick of it, not sure how to get out of a corner you’ve built yourself into, try to see if you can’t get yourself to float on top of it; to let it unfold without too much resistance or interference. It’s just a wave, after all. Stay tuned at the end to see how the month will play out for your rising sign! And don’t forget to help out the channel by hitting like, subscribing to the channel, and leaving me a comment about what you’re hoping to leave behind in June 2025 and what you are calling in for July and beyond. Let’s get into it!

July 4 : Venus ingress into Gemini, Venus Conjunct Uranus at 29º, and Neptune goes retrograde in Aries 3º

Sabian Symbol :

30º of Taurus- A peacock parading on the terrace of an ancient lawn

3º of Aries- The cameo profile of a man, suggesting the shape of his country

29º Gemini- Blain Bovee says of this Sabian Symbol “A great person able to display a multitude of gifts is always, at one level or another, the consummation of a long past of efforts and victories.” Sacred 7 Academy says,

'​Our personal displays of excellence bear testimony to all that went before us.” I just think that’s so beautiful and it really puts me in touch with my sense of purpose, which keeps me going when it feels like I’m failing again. Your gifts, talents, and spirit are not just the culmination of your own work and experiences in this lifetime, but also the culmination of the efforts of your ancestors, both genetically and historically, but also creatively! Whose work has informed your own? How has that helped you cultivate a practice of transmutation where you can feel and release your feelings by weaving them into something new, something impactful, something interesting and authentic?

3º of Aries- There is so much here about art this month already! This is about the individual being able to embody the energy of the Whole. Not hole. Whole. But honestly embodying the energy of the hole(s) isn’t a bad idea either; yielding, receptive, willing to be filled, pleasure-centered, present–maybe listen to my episode about fisting/expansion if you want to embody the energy of the hole. Anyway, this is just reiterating what I said about the peacock; how can you commit to your empathy for the collective without it eating you alive? First, I guess, reframe empathy as an immense privilege, because it is. It can feel more like a burden, for sure. Despite making up 1-6% of the population, low empathy individuals make up 20-30% of people in leadership positions. In capitalism, you’re rewarded for a lack of empathy. *Gestures broadly at the state of the world.* But that’s precisely why I think of empathy as a privilege. With the rise of the manosphere and white supremacist capitalist cisheteropatriarchal hegemony being unabashedly On Trend (why are eating disorders back?! Romanticised patriarchy via trad wife nonsense? Sex negativity and purity culture?! Self-censorship because we’re imprisoned by the whims of algorithms run by oligarchs?!) and AI absolutely tanking already alarmingly low levels of critical thinking, being able to feel your feelings and empathize with others is becoming a downright superpower. That doesn’t mean that it’s easy to hold that space. But important things are rarely easy, they are, however, usually worth it. Stay soft, my loves. Whatever happens, please protect that part of you that knows how to love.

Venus in Gemini is a fun sign to have. It brings a light-heartedness to things that can sometimes feel really heavy, like love and relationships, art, values, and money. There is another side to this coin, though, where the native with this placement might experience pushback from their lovers– their lightheartedness is seen as threatening or untrustworthy. I have a friend with this placement and they told me this story of when they first started dating their long-term partner (they’ve been together for many years at this point), they were falling for them so hard, but they went out to a bar and just… casually made out with someone! They told their partner about it after and were like “I don’t even know why I did it!!” Everyone was cool and queer so it wasn’t that big a deal, but you could see how that could have gone down in a different environment. Venus in Gemini. You may be feeling more social, more down for a laugh, a little more cool and casual, communicative, and– because this air sign for me always brings hummingbirds to mind– energetic! Gemini’s playful intelligence loves to be a student, so get curious about learning something new! It might just change your life. This might not be the best energy for buckling down or making serious commitments, but I think even those types of situations can benefit from a little humor, a little levity. Try to utilize this energy to have a little fun! Just don’t forget your sunscreen and electrolytes so you don’t get partied out.

Venus conjunct Uranus could bring some shakeups to relationships so that Gemini mutability will be very helpful during this transit. The best way to effectively ride this wave is to lean into flexibility. Change is the only constant, and Uranus is the planet of jump scares and surprises. Much of the time, it is rigidity which makes change feel unbearable, whereas, if you remain open to change and willing to undergo yet another transformation, it’s just a way of being. A philosophy. To quote Bruce Lee, “Be water, my friend.” There is potential for rich experiences here. Try not to let it pass you by.

Of Neptune retrograde in Aries, The Astrology King writes, “The destruction of your fantasy world will show those harsh realities you previously sought to avoid.” A tower moment is momentary discomfort for long-term gains. It will be worth it. This is a crucial moment of honesty. Allow this look back to bring you the kind of clarity that cuts you to the core. Be ruthless in your willingness to shed what is harmful, outdated, self-sabotaging, and inauthentic. The more delulu you’ve been, the more you resist self-reflection, the more difficult this transit will be. There may be a Come-To-Jesus moment regarding the ways you tend to engage with escapism. If things get a little too harsh, work that radical self-acceptance muscle–practice empathy with yourself. Forgive yourself for the ways you survived. Thank your coping mechanisms for keeping you alive, but then, let them go. You can’t hate yourself into changing (trust me, I tried that, it Did Not Work), but telling the truth about who you’ve been to yourself is incredibly liberating after the sting wears off. As within, so without. The fight for liberation externally is a direct reflection of one’s willingness to face their own demons. When you embrace one, it can lead you to the other. But that Ego is a trickster spirit, so keep your wits about you.

July 7 : Uranus ingresses into Gemini, Venus in Gemini trine Pluto in Aquarius at 3º

Sabian Symbols:

3º Gemini- The Garden of the Tuileries in Paris

3º Aquarius- A deserter from the Navy

Big Protest Energy. Jumping ship. Perhaps changing minds. I don’t know if you’re all tapped into this, but 3º of Aquarius reminds me of all the MAGA people who are changing their minds. Sure, saying “This is not what we voted for” is an intelligence-insulting shirking of responsibility– gaslighting at its most annoying lol– but someone leaving the cult of fascism for any reason is a win in my book. Something youtuber Reptaurus on Ice said in his video on the relevancy of V for Vendetta in the current times stood out to me while I was watching it while lifting this week “A political protest loses its potency when it’s purely performative.” We don’t need people to embody the vibe of that #whitefeminism “If Kamala had won, we’d be having brunch right now” sign from the No Kings protest. We are so far beyond that at this point. Part of that Deserter from the Navy energy is someone who was very invested in the illusion, to the point of sacrificing their freedom and sanity and well-being and soul in some cases, returning home a shell of their former self, abandoned by the government who so casually sent them to do things people don’t really come back from, usually for reasons that were utterly unnecessary, who one day realizes they’ve been used. That it was all a lie. While some will cling to the fallacy that they did something honorable and good with their lives, others will be so justifiably furious, that they devote the rest of their lives to creating a world where that never happens to anyone again. Do something for your community. Unpack an internal bias. Let the harsh light of clarity radicalize, as well as devastate, you.

Uranus in Gemini brings societal upheaval. When Uranus moved into Taurus, we saw proof of how false “capitalism breeds innovation” is. It limits who is able to innovate, losing who-even-knows how much genius to the 10 of Wands energy of just getting by. It ensures that any innovation is tainted and weaponized by exploitation. Under capitalism, anything good created will never be used for the greater good. For the next 8 years, expect to see changes in communication, research, travel, and liberation. Uranus understands that sometimes it is only through dramatic upheaval that we grow. It’s like how, so often, in retrospect, people come to understand that some of the hardest moments of their lives were the ones that most helped them become who they are. If you don’t resonate with that, that’s totally fine and I understand why, but I am at the place in my life where I love who I am right now SO much, that I wouldn’t change anything I went through, because then I wouldn’t be me. Try to keep that in mind as we pull the lap bar down on this rollercoaster that is Uranus in Gemini.

Venus trine Pluto in Aquarius is likewise asking us to take a look at our communities–whether that be friends, romantic partners, colleagues, or chosen family–and see what’s working and what isn’t. What is genuinely good will probably experience an increase in intimacy and commitment. What isn’t good may come to an end. Resistance in this instance will only delay the inevitable, so try to be fearless in your ability to accept What Is. There is a lot of potential for new connections under this transit but anything coming in now could have a surreptitious vibe, so try to stay in your integrity and be mindful of hiding things that may hurt someone you love. New relationships happening now do have a great potential for long-term happiness, though this initial intensity will fade with time. Ground whenever you start to feel obsessive and try to enjoy the ride. Trust that what’s happening now is for your highest good, even if it’s hard to believe that in the moment. You’ll see.

July 10 : Full Moon in Capricorn at 18º

Sabian Symbol :

18º Capricorn- The Union Jack flies from a British warship

Blain Bovee says of this symbol, “Justice and compassion must balance social power, and especially the power of privileged groups. Where this symbol appears, the need for protection may be in evidence — or it may be a warning against using power for selfish advantage.” Nationalism is an early tactic of indoctrinating fascism. What are you hiding under that flag? I’ve heard many leftists and marginalized folks express that the American flag elicits the same feelings in them as seeing the Confederate flag. What does that piece of cloth even represent? Power doesn’t corrupt, it reveals. Who you were before the power will be made into a caricature by the drug of power. It’s an addiction. If you are an empathetic and critical-thinking person, someone who has good intentions and generosity of spirit, you will do good with any power you end up possessing. Liberation is empowerment, which is non-hierarchical and internal. When you know you are enough, you don’t need to try to fill the void inside you with power or money or approval or whatever external bullshit we are all obsessed with and distracted by. That’s why healing is radical. Contented people make reluctant consumers. Think of all the money the diet and beauty industries would lose if we just all decided to stop striving for some idea of perfection that doesn’t really exist.

I feel like this grounded energy is going to feel so nice and so helpful in this very ungrounded air, fire, and water month. Take today to slow down. Rest if you can! Head to nature for a Full Moon ritual. Reassess your goals and maybe more importantly, your fears around success and abundance. Capricorn is cardinal earth, it knows how to take decisive action. Think of the times in your life when you went after something you wanted and made it happen. What motivated you? How did you overcome your fears? What did you learn about yourself through this process? And how can you recall those skills and tools and put them to use in the present? Most of all, commit to living holistically. It is possible to work towards material fulfillment without totally losing yourself or sacrificing your wellness. In fact, learning how to do that is a radical act. Tire of your own exploitation. Push back. See what happens.

July 12: Saturn Retrograde in Aries at 1º

Sabian Symbol: A comedian entertaining a group

There is a lot of power in irreverence, subversion, and laughter. First of all, revolution can be very heavy, scary, and full of grief and suffering, and, as all severely traumatized people can tell you, sometimes laughter is all that keeps you going. “Jester’s Privilege" says that you can safely speak truth to power in ways that people who are more obviously earnest cannot. There is a protective shield around comedy. This symbol always reminds me of John Oliver, who I understand if you have criticism about, but who brings me so much laughter, joy, hope, and feelings of solidarity as he reports on some of the worst things that are happening in the world. I appreciate that so much. He’s able to be hard-hitting in ways that most serious mainstream journalists aren’t even willing to be these days. I used to say “life’s a joke” in a negative way–like “my life is a cosmic joke.” For example, last week a sex toy company reached out to me for a collaboration. I was so excited! I’ve been manifesting this!! Well, I responded to the email a couple of hours later and they wrote back saying they already filled all the collaborator spots. So they basically reached out to me just to reject me! It’s so funny I had to laugh! That’s a totally unserious microcosm of how things often go for me and these days, I barely bristle. I mostly laugh. It really is kind of funny, most of the time. But when I need to break down and cry, I still do.

July 13 : Sun in Cancer trine North Node in Pisces 22º

Sabian Symbols :

22º Cancer- A woman awaiting a sailboat

22º Pisces- A man bringing down a new law from Sinai

The horizon is a liminal space. You can never reach the horizon, you can only gaze on it. The only time you appear to reach a horizon is when someone is witnessing you from afar. The future is a thought, the past is a thought, and the only thing that is real in the material sense is the present moment. If you are struggling to appreciate how far you’ve come on your journey, seek out the external perspectives of your loved ones. It can be intensely vulnerable to ask someone “Have you noticed that I’ve grown?” but sometimes we do need the affirmation from someone we trust who really loves and sees us. Perfection is an unattainable goal rooted in capitalism and self-sabotage. Get messy with it. Seek the balance between mastery and flow. Understand the importance of the journey as opposed to the destination. If you aren’t paying attention, you can trick yourself into always being in a state of striving and you can literally wish or work your life away; never basking in your accomplishments, never feeling proud of yourself, never appreciating how far you’ve come. Give yourself a moment. Be grateful for yourself. There is also something here about being stuck, held back, obsessed with, or projecting the past onto the present. It’s about the old paradigms being threatened by those exploring new ways of being. No one benefitting from the status quo is ever going to thank you for rejecting it. There will always be mockery, backlash, and discouragement. Don’t take it to heart. Forgive me for this quote, I promise you I am using it facetiously because of a Nathan For You episode, and I just think #girlboss coffee mug slogan culture is sooo funny, but also there is some truth in it, “Well-behaved women rarely make history.” Be weird!! Break those generational cycles!! Live by your values!! Be a pain in the ass! You will be planting seeds and shifting vibrations in ways you may never see proof of, but trust and believe, you will be making a difference.

This transit brings a harmonious alignment between the sense of self and your own life purpose. Of course, where this trine falls in the houses of your chart will tell you what area of your life it will be most affecting. If you’d like to investigate this further, you can book an astrology consultation with me! Just head to the link in my bio and then click the “services” tab. Keep an eye out for opportunities that pop up to help you on your path, and be courageous in seizing them– try not to flounder or hesitate too long. Don’t doubt it, just say yes. You may find yourself attracting more support, or just seeing people responding to you in a more uplifting and collaborative way. This water trine may be smoothing the way to expand your spiritual practice and connection to your intuition. You may be feeling more creative, emotional, and sincere. Embrace it. Enjoy it!

July 17: Mercury Retrograde in Leo at 15º

Sabian Symbol:

15º Leo- A pageant, with its spectacular floats, moves along a street crowded with cheering people

The ordinary can be extraordinary if you’re paying attention. No matter how big life gets, there’s always dinner with your loved ones, an episode of a show you’re into, a headbutt of a needy doggy, and the joyful burden of a 9-step skincare routine to close out your busy days. Don’t forget to appreciate the little things. They are sometimes the most beautiful! Even on my worst day, the sun rays striking the leaves on the trees blowing in the breeze, little flickering dollops of light, the sun causing the chartreuse undersides of the leaves to glow as it penetrates through them brings me so much joy and inspiration! Take a moment, take a breath. Have a phone call with the friend that makes you laugh the most today. There is so much joy to be found if you let yourself, even amongst all the suffering.

Mercury retrograde, y’all know the drill by now. Avoid signing any contracts, having any very serious conversations, buying new electronics, or making any travel plans until a couple weeks after Mercury goes direct. Expect miscommunications and delays or, try not to be too surprised or upset if you have to do something more than once. Double-check any emails or texts, and edit that post an extra time. Mercury in Leo is not afraid of a little theatricality. There may be a boldness in you at this time that makes you feel more motivated to fight for yourself, your vision, what you feel is right, for your own well-being, and for the well-being of others. Now is not the time for wilting flowers or passive-aggression, it’s about that good good heart-centered fire energy. Mercury in Leo loves to have its voice heard, so speak that truth loud and clear. If you can’t admit what you want, you’re gonna have a really hard time getting it. Let this transit inspire you to reflect on the last few months with loving honesty. What’s been going well and what hasn’t? What’s been limiting and what’s been liberating? What wounds have been triggered lately and how are you regulating yourself? This only lasts three weeks, so just hold steady and it will all work out just fine.

July 20: Mars conjunct South Node in Virgo

Any time Mars interacts with the South Node there is an opportunity for injury or trouble of some kind, so tread carefully today. There may be an urge to cling to the past, even though it is more beneficial to look forward. Or maybe the past is still the filter through which you see the world. This is a good opportunity to announce next month’s podcast topic episode “Creating New Pathways.” It’s about removing that past filter from your line of sight, and learning how to acclimate your body and mind to a more loving reality. I guess “How to Stop Expecting the Worst” could be an alt title. It drops July 15, so subscribe to the channel or the podcast wherever you pod so you never miss an episode! Everybody’s gonna be in fight mode a little bit. You may be feeling more motivated to take action toward your goals or desires. I really feel a lot of protest energy this month. In nearly every transit, that vibe is there. Be wary of overreactions and lashing out at anyone who dares to poke those south node wounds, even unintentionally. It’s better to take a deep breath, count to 10, and give the benefit of the doubt. If someone is hell-bent on hurting you, then by all means, use this energy to go scorched earth. This time is very much about releasing what cannot come with you to your next era or iteration and this transit is supporting you in this process.

July 22 : Happy Leo Season!

Shine bright like a diamond! The higher the hair, the closer to god! Make friends with everyone! Give big, full-bodied hugs, heart-to-heart. Be loud, charismatic, unapologetic. Lead when you feel compelled, but do so with grace and presence. Indulge in your generosity of spirit. Leave that heart chakra wide open! Live like you mean it!!

July 23 : Venus in Gemini square Mars in Virgo 21º, Sun in Leo sextile Uranus in Gemini 1º

Sabian Symbols:

21º Gemini- A tumultuous labor demonstration

21º Virgo- A girl’s basketball team

1º Leo- A case of apoplexy

1º Gemini- A glass-bottomed boat reveals undersea wonders

There’s that protest energy again! It’s time to hit the streets and keep on hittin’ ‘em, I think. It’s like in boxing movies where the underdog gets one good hit in after taking a beating for the whole fight, and then they just land punch after punch after punch, relentless about it, until they defeat the undefeatable. David and Goliath, baby!! Solidarity is one of the most powerful things in the world–that’s why the proverbial They put so much effort into dividing us. Many goals, most goals, cannot actually be reached with only individual effort. We need groups, collectives, and teams to get us where we’re going. “It takes a village.” “There is no ‘I’ in team.” Part of what we are unpacking about capitalism is the myth of the individual. Nothing exists in a vacuum. WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY!! What you do impacts the world around you and when you move through life with that understanding, you tend to do less harm. Sacred 7 Academy says of 1º of Leo, “The fire in the heart can become dangerous if it goes to the head.” Watch those egos. When we challenge power, and maybe even remove certain power-over people or structures (pleaseohpleaseohplease), sometimes that creates a vacuum. We have to be careful not to let corrupt-able people fill that void. Work your discernment muscle. Your intuition always knows what’s true. Quoting Sacred 7 Academy again, “It requires great strength of character fully to embody the life force in our personality without losing poise and perspective.” Finally, while floating on top of the metaphorical sea of life, of being a human, don’t forget or neglect the depths below that hold all the mystery and magic of life. Don’t get so caught up in the material that you forget you are, first and foremost, a soul. Don’t fear the infinite layers of you, that’s what makes you a miracle.

Venus square Mars can give a boost to the sex drive, but may also bring up any underlying tension regarding sex in your relationships. It’s a good day for sexual tension in general. If you don’t have those issues in your life and relationships, enjoy an impassioned roll in the hay today, if you feel so inclined. In a healthy relationship, sex is one way to express your love for each other. In an unhealthy connection, it may be anger or hatred that is expressed through sex. It may not be the day to solve any issues in your relationships, because the horniness is turned all the way to 11, and it can be difficult to not get distracted. Self-control may be a bit more challenging than usual, and impulsivity will be activated as well. Try to just take a moment before taking action to consider the long-term ramifications of those actions. Finally, try not to act out in anger if you experience rejection or disappointment. To quote Real Housewife Ramona Singer, “Don’t make a mountain out of a hole mill.”

Sun in Leo sextile Uranus in Gemini can bring pleasant surprises and exciting encounters with fascinating people both new to you and with the ones you already know and love. You may get some affirming or illuminating feedback that helps you see yourself more clearly. It’s a good day for creativity and letting your freak flag fly. In fact, the weirder you let yourself be, the more likely you are to attract people who can match your freak! Let curiosity lead the way. Don’t shut something down without considering it first. The energies today may make it a challenge to focus or access your normal level of productivity. Don’t fret. Don’t resist. Just try to enjoy it for what it is. It may be a good day to play hooky.

July 24: Sun in Leo 1º Trine Saturn 1º AND Neptune in Aries 2º and New Moon in Leo at 2º

Sabian Symbols :

2º Leo (remember if it’s not an exact degree, we round up for the Sabian Symbols)- An epidemic of mumps

2º Aries- A comedian entertaining a group.

There is so much social energy this month. The mumps sabian symbol is concerning because of all the anti-vaxers bringing back nearly extinct illnesses, potentially dooming the future of humanity thanks to the bizarre super condescending cognitive dissonance of “dOiNg ThEiR oWn ReSeArCh” aka ignoring years of very thorough research and innovations that have already been proven effective. It’s a real design flaw of ignorance that people suffering from it rarely have the context they need to be aware that they are, indeed, suffering. Hereby forcing the rest of us to face the consequences of their uninformed, and ultimately very selfish, actions. Sacred 7 Academy says of 2º of Leo, “Any imbalances that we suffer individually can all too easily spread outwards to affect people around us, and therefore in turn our total life experience.” When you are immature and dysregulated, it can be very easy to negatively impact the people around you. Have you ever encountered someone whose shitty energy is like a dark cloud, taking a toll on the moods of those around them? Nothing exists in a vacuum. The individual versus the collective. We are too far into late-stage capitalism to continue acing as if our choices don’t matter. “There is no ethical consumption under capitalism” doesn’t mean to just give up trying because it’s futile and you are therefore absolved of responsibility– it means that you have to try a lot harder to be mindful of controlling the things you can. Long story long, shit is very heavy and we are up against a lot. When you feel lost in grief and anger, remember how far levity and laughter can go towards changing up negative energy.

Sun trine Saturn brings stability, discipline, balance, and the importance of a good routine into the mix today. Taking responsibility is blessed under this transit. You may have an opportunity or pay-off take place today that’s a culmination of some seed you planted months ago. There is some proof that your hard work is making a difference, you just sometimes have to force yourself to notice and internalize that that is what’s happening. It’s a good time for spiritual and material growth, as well as self-actualization. You may have an easier time living a holistic life, thanks to Sun trine Saturn. Sun trine Neptune may put you more deeply in touch with your caring and nurturing side. You may feel connected to your morals, values, and ideals, and more motivated to act on them. Empathy and Activism!!! With the New Moon in the mix as well, you may get clarity on how to achieve your goals and may be more honest about how important they are to you. This is a perfect time for a New Moon ritual. Write down what you’d like to release and what you’d like to call in on a piece of paper, pour all the energy and wanting and frustration and longing into the words you write, then burn it. As you watch it burn, release any attachment you have to how you think it’s going to manifest, and then prepare yourself to receive with knowing, with faith. Creativity, art, spirituality, and occult practices, like astrology and tarot are all great things to engage with today. Socializing is easier, intimacy comes more naturally, and there is a lot of sweetness here for deepening connections both new and old. Enjoy the open-heartedness, enjoy the closeness, enjoy the self-awareness. This is a great day for growth on all levels.

July 25 : Sun in Leo opposite Pluto in Aquarius 2º

Sabian Symbols :

3º Leo- A woman having her hair bobbed

3º Aquarius- A deserter from the Navy

Anyone who has ever participated as a woman in society (whether through conditioning or choice) knows that the first haircut a woman usually gets, when transitioning from little girl long hair to a more grown-up style is a bob. I don’t know why. I think it’s a good in-between, and it is very flattering on most people. It’s long enough that it’s not too jarring a change, but it's short enough that it can make a big difference. I remember when I chopped my butt-length hair off at 8 years old, making my drunk mother cry 😬, I felt so sassy and cute!! I felt like a new person. I couldn’t stop shaking my head back and forth like a shampoo commercial. It was nice! Society unfairly limits self-expression in myriad ways, and sometimes we have to take baby steps toward true authenticity because the risk of rejection or marginalization is so real. The tethers of fascism disguising itself as “trends” right now is really upsetting to anyone who has lived enough life to have already unpacked all the status quo bullshit in favor of self-expression. Earnestness has become cringe and conformity is back in style, somehow. Progress isn’t linear, though, and if you don’t acquiesce to the pressure preemptively, eventually, things will loop back around and you’ll feel grateful you didn’t perpetuate fascism because some grifter on TikTok told you to. Dig those heels in! Fuck it! Think for yourself! The emperor has no fucking clothes!!

There’s something here about self-esteem. Be wary of addictions, stubbornness, jealousy, and manipulation. This is not a good day to cyber creep on your ex, you would probably only see something that would hurt your feelings. There’s disaster energy here, take care with electronics, and be cautious when facing natural or man-made disasters. Back up your work, store your valuables somewhere safe and err on the side of caution. The best way to navigate this transit with as little chaos as possible is to simply ride the waves of change. Even teach yourself to intuit changes before they NEED to happen. Remember, it’s resistance that causes a good majority of internal suffering, so try to surrender for a change of pace and see what happens! A good affirmation to use in moments like this is “I have, within my power, the ability to use anything that happens to me for my highest good.” You do. You really do.

July 27 : Mars in Virgo at 23º

Sabian Symbol :

23º Virgo- An animal trainer

Blain Bovee says of this symbol, “Imagine keen precision blended with soft and steady awareness.” It reminds me of The Strength card in the tarot. It goes back to that thing I said about not being able to shame or hate yourself into changing. In fact, those feelings are so deeply uncomfortable that we will do anything to escape them. Whereas, if you practice radical self-acceptance, if you’re gentle, loving, and encouraging to yourself, literally anything is possible. You cannot tame the ego through sheer force of will, only through love and patience will you become the master of yourself. Once you quiet the part of you that needs to have power-over in order to feel safe, you’ll be able to see that impulse in others more clearly, which informs your discernment and helps you protect yourself going forward. Be kind, you’re the closest relationship you’ll ever have. No one can hurt you like you can. No one can love you like you can, either.

Mars in Virgo is about railing against institutions that cause harm more than they help. It’s the vibe of those kinds of revolutionaries that seem too radical for most people in the present moment, but who are guided by a sense of purpose that is downright divine and will be upheld as heroes in the future. What was coming up for you in March of this year? The eclipse brought the north and south nodes into Pisces and Virgo. Themes have been coming up regarding the material versus the spiritual. Have you noticed the balance of these energies that you have in your life? Which one gets prioritized, which one comes more easily to you, and how can work to strike a better balance going forward? Which one challenges you and makes you uncomfortable–how can you embrace and implement it, regardless? Let Virgo’s thoroughness, sweetness, and patience inspire and uplift you to continue being the change you wish to see in the world.

July 30 : Venus in Cancer

As Venus enters Cancer, you may feel more of a pull towards security, reassurance, and stability in relationships and that could look different, depending on where you are on your attachment journey. You could feel clingy, sulky, or passive-aggressive or you could feel more driven to talk everything out openly and honestly until things are brought to a solid conclusion. Over the past couple of months, there has been this recurring theme coming up in the astrology and with my friends, loved ones, and tarot clients, of relationships that are healthy and strong being taken to a higher level, and those that are not coming to an end. Try to embrace whatever is unfolding. Trust what the universe is showing you–you’ll look back on this moment and be grateful you did. Cancer rules the 4th house, so sprucing up your home may bring you a lot of joy!

July 31 : Sun Conjunct Mercury Retrograde 9º of Leo

Sabian Symbols :

9º Leo- Glassblowers

Glass blowers take breath, fire, and sand and create these incredible works of art out of them. If that isn’t alchemy, I don’t know what is! To create anything, it takes a divine spark of inspiration from spirit, passion, drive, and resilience to face the ego again and again as one navigates The Process; plus you need the actual material, resources, and craft to physically make the thing too. What is your process? How do you work? How do you experience change? If there’s a lot of resistance and fear, can you make a goal to unpack it each time you face another transformation? Can you at least work on getting yourself to a place where you want to unpack it? Remember what Bruce Lee said “There can be no creativity with ego rigidity.” Loosen up. Play. Fail. You’ll see, if you’re open to it, all it really does is build character.

Communication is blessed today. Get out of the house and into your neighborhood. Attend a building potluck or invite a friend who lives close by over for breakfast. Have a good conversation. Take a short road trip! You may feel extra alert mentally, so use it to problem solve an issue you’ve been stuck on, or to write something you’ve been meaning to, but just haven’t found the right moment. Wrap up this month feeling grateful for all the insights, lessons, and fun the stars have blessed you with. Take a moment to reflect, maybe journal, on the last 30 days– how have you grown? What have you accomplished? How have you made different choices; how have you created new pathways?

Aries: This will be a month of profound personal growth for you. Your relationships may be taking center stage as you reevaluate who gets to know the deepest, softest parts of you, who stays on the perif, and who doesn’t get to know you at all. It may be time for some tough conversations, but remember, it takes two to tango. Notice who handles you with care. Alexa, play “Handle with Care” by the Traveling Willburys. This is a good time for you to take stock of your life in general– try setting new goals or reconnect with your values. There may be a shift towards overall wellness in your life. I feel a real energy of taking things back to basics in order to foster and create new and more self-loving habits where you are considering and factoring in REST. You’re learning your limits, learning how to live and live well, without always teetering on the edge of burnout. Patience and moderation will really serve you this month.

Taurus: This proves to be a very positive month for you! You may find yourself feeling optimistic and open to experience and life rewards those open to experience with RICH experience, so enjoy! You’ll be feeling confident, optimistic, and goal-oriented. You’ll have a chance to shine at work, impressing your superiors. You may feel lucky or like your luck is changing, especially in the first few weeks of the month. It’s a great time for new love and relationships, it’s a fortuitous time to shoot your shot! A shift occurs at the end of the month, however, that may have you feeling anxious and struggling to focus–that’s ok! It’s all part of the process. Whatever changes you make over the next month, take the last few days of July to integrate your feelings around them; grieve what needs grieving, feel the fear of growing pains, and allow yourself this time to spiritually purge the old, so you can fully welcome in the new. It’s all part of the process, blessed be.

Gemini: This is a very good month to be you! Enjoy the increase in magnetism, confidence, and appreciation from others. Success on multiple levels is possible, as well as personal growth, and an improvement in relationships. Maybe you’re feeling more down for commitment than you ever have before, maybe you’re feeling more comfortable saying earnestly admitting what you want out of love, work, and life in general. You know Agatha Cromwell says about magic “it’s asking for what you want, and then letting yourself have it!” Let yourself have it!!! You may experience a creative breakthrough and a leveling up of an existing relationship. Any new relationship coming in will profoundly impact you in positive and life-changing ways, so stay open to possibility! You’re ready to grow and that is exactly what you’re going to experience this month. Just try to stay balanced, out of the drama, and learn to tell the difference between impulsivity and intuition.

Cancer: You are going to be embodying a profound state of balance this month, which is such a gift! Opportunities may come up in work that you would be a silly goose to pass up, so work on getting that imposter syndrome out of the way. If it's happening, you’re ready for it. This is a good month for love and relationships for you! As you open up to new experiences, you’ll call in exciting new connections and deepen already-established relationships as well. An open heart will serve you very well. Let love lead the way as you step into the new in all areas of your life. While you grow personally and professionally, take a moment to feel grateful for those who have walked and are walking this path with you. You are so abundant in wisdom, luck, in love, so don’t be afraid to share the wealth. No crab is an island, after all.

Leo: Happy Leo Season and Solar Return to the Leo suns out there! July promises to be a month of growth for you. In career and finances, change is on the horizon, and in these energies, slow and steady wins the race. Try not to make any hasty decisions out of fear, but instead consider every choice, agreement, contract, and opportunity with the sharpest discernment. This is a time of deep commitment for you (many Leo risings may be planning weddings or making moves to move an existing relationship to the next level, whatever that level may be), so you want to make sure whatever you’re signing up for is the best option for you. Whatever seeds you’re planting right now will be sure to pay off big time in the future. Blessed be!

Virgo: July is a month of profound potential growth for you and your meticulous attention to detail and tendency toward moderation will serve you very well. It's important to stay open to change and to be flexible when life throws you something that wasn’t on your to-do list. This is a great time for setting goals at work and tweaking your daily routines to optimize their impact without sacrificing time. Remember, we are always honing, we are never done. I know Virgos need to hear this as much as possible… perfection is an unrealistic expectation and you gotta let it go so your tummy stops hurting all the time! You may feel more inspired to work alone this month, instead of collaborating, and that’s ok! But if there’s a mentor who could help you bring your vision to life, or even motivate you to keep going, you will get a lot from these interactions.

Libra: Your support networks will be everything to you this month; appreciate them and utilize them when you start to feel overwhelmed and untethered. July brings you what feels like a rush of success. In relationships, you can expect to create new and exciting connections, deepen current long-term committed ones, and may even have a friend return from the past to reconnect. It’s important, as you encounter new beginnings on your path, that you remember to prioritize living a holistic life (shoutout to my Walk On Podcast topic for May “Living a Holistic Life” go listen to it, it will help!). Burnout doesn’t help anybody. You can have it all, truly, it just takes a lot of patience, self-awareness, organization, and strong boundaries. Balance, as always, is the name of the game–and there’s nobody more equipped for (or challenged by) it than you.

Scorpio: This month for you will require flexibility that doesn’t come very easily to you as a fixed sign, but have faith that everything is unfolding for your highest good. Things may progress the way you thought they would, but they may work out even better than you ever would have let yourself believe! Trust in the process. As you live life outside of your comfort zone, you may encounter the dreaded imposter syndrome, but if you don’t resist it or take it too seriously, it will pass as you let yourself feel it. Collaborations are blessed this month, but only if you choose the right people to work with. Do what you do best and allow yourself to undergo the transformation you are being asked to by the universe. You’ll come out the other side better than you’ve ever been.

Sagittarius: Expect a payoff in July for things you put into motion in June. Professionally there is a lot of potential growth available to you. Patience will work out better for you than impulsivity will, so take a beat before taking action. Your initial reactions are usually best felt and processed internally, so you can act and react with a more balanced approach when the time comes. You may be inspired to change your goals or change direction (possibly in more than one area of life) and that’s OK! Heed what’s coming up for you at this time, because it’s part of a bigger story that is still unfolding. The best way to change your life is to simply make a series of different choices and before you know it, you’ll look around and think wow, I really fucking did that! Try not to get too worked up over things taking a little longer than you expected– it's just The Universe getting it exactly right for you. You’ll see in time.

Capricorn: This month may bring you an overwhelming amount of opportunities and the downside of that abundance is that you won’t be able to say yes to them all. This is an opportunity to hone your discernment. Look out for red flags and pitfalls, as well as green flags and situations that have great potential. Likewise, in relationships, notice who builds you up and who tears you down. You need to be able to trust those most intimate connections in your life with your deepest fears and most consuming desires. Who and what is staying or going will become more clear for you as the month progresses. When conflict comes up in your life, ask yourself this question, “Am I trying to solve the problem, or am I trying to win?” Nurture the bonds you want to keep close to you and remember to receive nurturing from them as well. You are building something really beautiful; try to keep that in mind when you come up against a growth edge.

Aquarius: Self-awareness is the name of the game for you this month. There is something here about making sure you are setting attainable goals. It might be best not to focus on the big picture right now, instead committing yourself to the “one bite at a time” method of eating a sandwich. Make your to-do lists, and check things off one by one. Take advice that resonates with you (a task literally built for your intuition) and leave anything that doesn’t. This discernment is really crucial at this moment because bad advice can be a derailing force for you in July. You are capable of manifesting so much good, all you have to do is keep yourself out of burnout or overwhelm; whether that means scheduling in some alone time, saying “no” to the urge to overbook yourself, or checking your own unrealistic expectations (of yourself and others). Be gentle with yourself, this is a growth spurt, and there’s bound to be some growing pains.

Pisces: This month, you are being challenged to align with honest, direct communication and advocating for your own needs while balancing that with empathy and consideration for others. There may be some challenges presenting themselves in work and relationships for you in July. It's ok! You’re just sculpting your life and your Self and smoothing some edges. Remember, healing is not creating something new, but uncovering what has always been there, underneath the trauma and conditioning. You may notice some changes occurring in your relationship dynamics; some connections will strengthen, and some may come to an end. Regardless, there will be an opportunity to hash out some overlooked (or more like glossed over) issues from the past. If you didn’t speak your piece then, take the opportunity to be heard now. Likewise, you’ll see some professional shifts that will be very positive overall, but that may challenge you in ways that push you outside your comfort zone. Try to steer clear of Eeyore mode, as the energy of your thoughts is very potent this month. Manifest, believe, receive! You are the master of your reality.

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The Pain (and Pleasure) of Expansion

She looks down at me, square jaw set, determined. Rose lips swollen from mine parting with such hunger, grabbing, pushing, pulling, biting, opening, moaning, snarling, bubblegum tongues meeting with electric spark after spark. I am in awe of her androgyny. The first time we had sex, I was so moved by how her gender shifted with positions, with the angle of the beam of full moonlight flooding the window, spotlighting us in my bed. I often joke that our first time was a threesome, because the moon, my/our wife was so present in the room with us. I still marvel at her shifting gender, knowing all the shades of her so much better now, all the nuances have become home to me. I know she feels the same way about mine. The timidity and awe of the beginning gave way to the kind of play that only comes from comfort, from trust, like I’ve always known or maybe hoped it could, but it just never seemed to work out that way. I think both people (or all people, depending on the configuration lol) have to be open to it. Speaking of open, after I’ve splashed and rocked and screamed my throat raw, and she’s watched it all play across my face–I don’t hide it like I used to– I used to have to cover my face with a pillow to cum, I’m not sure why; sometimes I do need total darkness to concentrate, like how I always close my eyes to find my keys in my purse or can only sleep with an eye mask, maybe that’s it, maybe it’s trauma, maybe it’s Maybelline, I look into those dark brown, sweet, almond eyes, corner-softening crow’s feet I once lamented to my journal about longing to kiss but not being able to and pout I want more. She smiles that half smile that gets me right in the root chakra, Oh yeah? You want more, baby? I shake my head, pull her down to me, with an emphatic, whiney Mhmm. And she parts me like Moses before the red sea. She fills me with her spirit, all the way out to the edges, every nook and cranny accounted for, like liquid through a maze. There’s always a moment of my body’s half-hearted resistance, still not sure of itself; a little pressure, a little pain maybe, but not exactly. Like a bite or a whack I can tell will leave a bruise. I don’t wince at it, I laugh, gleeful, knowing it will become a point of pride as it changes colors from black to purple to green to yellow to gone. I open up, and that’s when I start to pray, involuntary, just giving it up to the most high for this miracle going on inside me. Oh god, oh my god, oh fuck, it’s so good, oh my god it’s so good. I’ve often been worshiped, prayed to, mostly when getting fucked from behind, ass and thighs rippling like waves, body rolling and twitching and wiggling, needing to be held tight to keep from bouncing away, something to the effect of Oh my GOD this fucking ASS. I’ve always loved that part. It's always made me smile to myself. I loooove when they start to pray. But as for me? I was always too shy to talk, preferring post-verbal whimpers, moans, and screams. But I have no choice when she slides the whole of that gorgeous fist (have I mentioned the graceful beauty of her long fingers?) inside me. Gratitude just pours out of me, in great tidal waves. If ever there was anything worth praying for, shouldn’t it be pleasure?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how discomfort is a teacher. Resistance too. And how out of sync we are with curiosity. The first time I heard about fisting was in the Kevin Smith film Chasing Amy, which I bought for fifty cents from the pawn shop I worked at when I was 16. I was in charge of organizing the movie shelves after I proved myself terrible at working the register, manning the jewelry counter, and being a salesman in electronics. While I was embarrassed at my inability to do most of this job, being in charge of the movies was perfect for me. 1. Because I love organizing and 2. Because I love movies and it would allow me to set all the good ones aside for myself to buy at a large discount at the end of the week on payday. My grandmother was a big movie person, but her tastes were more limited than mine, and there were certain things that either she wasn’t interested in, was offended by, or didn’t want me to see, but, like many of her rules, her parameters and choices didn’t always make sense. For example, I wasn’t allowed to watch The Simpsons, but I watched both Saturday Night Fever and Monster’s Ball with her when I was 14. I bought A Clockwork Orange (my first Kubrick!!), Dogma, Clerks, and Chasing Amy (don’t judge my edgelord Kevin Smith phase, it was the early 2000’s after all), Reservoir Dogs and Kill Bill vol 1, plus a ton of shitty horror movies– too many to list honestly! A lot of what I watched back then has stuck with me to this day! Individuation is such a wonderful thing. Those moments where I took the space I needed to understand myself, to let curiosity lead? Those are the memories that I hold most sacred and feel the most proud of myself for.

When I popped Chasing Amy into my TV with the built-in DVD player (blast from the mf past!), which was bolted into the corner of the room near the ceiling with a black metal version of those hospital TV mounts, I was frozen in place; fascinated and terrified. I had that gut-churn feeling that stories about queer people always inspired in me. Discomfort. When Alyssa (Joey Lauren Adams) appears in the film for the first time, I immediately saw myself in her. Or someone I wished I could be, thought I might be able to be, hoped I would never be, but secretly knew I was? All of the above? She and Holden (Ben Affleck) have an instant spark– you’re rooting for them right away. He’s insecure, intimidated when he figures out he’s in a queer bar, and he’s clearly embodying the Sad But “Nice” White Boy trope which in the 90’s, wasn’t quite so tired as it is n, plus, he’s even more obnoxiously foiled by his best friend Banky (Jason Smith), a raging incel who really REALLY hates lesbians. Apparently Smith, who was dating Adams at the time, based much of the script on their real relationship. That says a lot. By the end of the night, just when you feel like Alyssa and Holden are going to start falling in love, it’s revealed that Alyssa *GASP* is a “lesbian,” with a cool, hot, punk girlfriend that she passionately makes out with as soon as she gets off stage (she’s a front woman for a band playing that night–see? Everything I hoped I would be and was so so scared of). I was frozen solid. I don’t think I breathed once for the whole 113 minutes as Holden and Alyssa fall in love and (spoiler alert) he ruins it by being judgmental and uptight about her sexuality and past. When he finds out he’s not the first man she’s been with, he flips out (gross). Anyway, there’s a scene where they’re swinging on a swing set and he’s asking about how lesbian sex is even sex (gross) and she explains it.

Honestly, I just watched this scene again and it still brings tears to my eyes. I still can’t believe she falls in love with someone with such a closed mind and SUCH a shitty goatee. But God, this made me think about things I’d never considered, and while it would still be 9 years until I came out, I still credit this film with helping me get there. It also prepared me for a life of the men I loved being obsessed with and made utterly paranoid by my bisexuality (some of the women for that matter, too); that society will tell you again and again to pick a lane and cast you as a hypersexual villain and sometimes tbh I did play that role. Maybe I wasn’t always a sex slut, but I was ALWAYS a love slut. Like Alyssa, being penned in by someone else’s fears was often the straw that broke the illusion that love by itself could ever be enough; like respect, honesty, vulnerability, and compatibility weren’t inherent parts of the VERB of loving someone. But most impactful, years before the days of easy-to-access free porn, when Sex Ed in Virginia was (probably still is…) decidedly abstinence-forward, I had never heard that you could fit a fist inside a vagina.

I think about that speech, that conversation between them and the revelation that a person couldn't be “ruined” by losing their virginity or having something inside of them. I was still doing “everything but…” with my high school boyfriend, mostly out of fear of getting pregnant and ruining my life (I come from a long line of young and resentful mothers), but there was also something there about “losing” my virginity too; as if it would dramatically change who I was as a person. I remember when we finally did have “P in V” lol I was laying there, after, thinking Dang, that was fun but it wasn’t even that big a deal. Although, it was powerful enough to make me quit going to church for making me feel like I should stop doing it. I was also still terrified that my grandmother would be able to tell I’d “done it” just by looking at me. This is unrelated, but how is it that a nuanced (and seemingly informed) conversation about queer sex in the fucking 90’s felt both more realistic and revolutionary than much of the Queer 101 dialogue we get in media today? I can’t figure out why these conversations always feel so stilted and forced. I find myself wondering if it’s possible to write the way we speak without sounding like that, but re-watching this scene reminded me we can. Also, wild that I’ve had nearly this exact same conversation with men more than once, many times, 30 plus years later. Damn, gotta give it to ya, Kev.

My main gripe with Chasing Amy is that I can’t tell what the take away is supposed to be. What’s the intent in telling this story? I feel that Banky is the villain, Holden is the piss baby who fumbled potentially the love of his life, and Alyssa is the hero who does find love in the end and, probably, officially, and justifiably, swore off men forever. But there is so much malicious queerphobia in the film, and Holden is presented as so sympathetic, and Alyssa as dishonest and unwieldy– I’ve seen the film countless times and I still can’t decide. I have been learning to embrace the ambiguity of not being able to tell what the filmmaker intends the audience to feel through studying David Lynch’s work and philosophy on art in general. It’s OK to not be able to tell– in fact, maybe that speaks to a kind of mastery on the filmmaker’s part. Restraint is usually a sign of someone who really knows what they’re doing. So maybe it doesn’t matter, Alyssa spoke to me, I fell in love with her, and I carry her story with me to this day. Plus, she planted that seed about fisting.

The next time I heard about fisting was in college. A friend of mine, who had a much later sexual debut than the rest of us, had just started seeing the man that she would eventually marry, when she told us they were really into fisting. We were still getting used to the sexual version of her. She had only started having sex when she did a semester abroad and came home a different woman! She and I even made out once! She swore I pestered her into making out with me that night, but I promise you, I had never had any issue with a lack of straight girls wanting to make out with me. It was she who drunkenly followed me around, begging me to make out with her at a party and, after a few hours of that, I gave in. When her tongue slipped into my mouth, the whole room erupted in cheers, and this one guy (a guy I dubbed “Will Smith Guy” because at every. single. party. he would insist on being the DJ and would proceed to play Will Smith, EXCLUSIVELY. All night. Why??!! WHY?) stood up, clapped his hands together like his team had just scored a touchdown, and proclaimed “That’s why I WENT to college!!” For months after that, I would think about how that was the best kiss I’d ever had… I would start saying “Women are just better kissers,” for years, while still identifying as straight. LMAO! She had a real, solid slut phase, and I felt so proud of her. However, we were all shocked at this revelation. Fisting? Really?! My curiosity peaked, and then was immediately shut down by the judgment oozing off of everyone else in the room. Even the sluttier women were horrified. There were questions about getting “stretched out” and I don’t know, just the vibe of like, Ew, what’s wrong with them? It was around this time that I started comprehending that, to most people, there was a line between “good” or “desirable” freaky and “you’re a freak” (derogatory) freaky. I didn’t know this term yet, but I would come to understand that that line had a lot to do with the male gaze. I remember her leaning over and whispering “When we’re done, we always have to change the sheets” in a way that implied that that’s how good it was. Despite having been sexually active for a handful of years at that point, I still wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. I wasn’t fully aligned with my own pleasure yet, and she was. I wish the room had been more outwardly curious and less judgmental, so I felt like I could be. But, the seed had been planted, and now it was taking root.

Expansion, curiosity, and healing require a lot of courage. You have to really be willing to face yourself. Of course, the courage is just for the beginning; once you start facing yourself, you see that the fear was way worse than the actual doing. That’s a truth for life in general. Getting to know yourself is actually really beautiful and fun! It reminds of this thing I read the other day, where a lot of people have become politically disengaged because they have compassion fatigue. Yes, the grief of holding space (hate the Wicked PR tour for ruining this phrase btw) for all the totally unnecessary pain and suffering going on in the world, at the hands of a few of the absolute worst of us is difficult, but completely checking out doesn’t feel like the solution any of us need. I love the phrase “let this radicalize you.” Because that’s what it is. You can have essentially one of two reactions to trauma (though it’s obviously a lot more nuanced than that): to open up or to shut down. Andrea Gibson made this post recently about how you can choose whether or not to see the hard things you go through as teachers, and that, despite going through one of the hardest things a person can, they choose to. I choose to, too, and you know what? I’m more resilient, more honest, and more loving for it. Facing yourself, facing anything, isn’t going to be as bad as you think, especially if you can bring radical self-compassion along for the ride. Understand where you’re coming from. Apply that gorgeous empathy you possess to the versions of you who didn’t know better yet. Carry forgiveness with you as you fumble your way through becoming. We’re all fumbling. It’s as it should be. You’ll see that the unfolding is exhilarating! Every day becomes an adventure of noticing. “I wonder how will I handle this?” And then witnessing. And then questioning. And then understanding. And then expanding.

I find it amazing that the second I decide to surrender to What Is, things have a way of shifting. Surrender is an active process, not a passive one. It’s about accepting where you are and maybe even trying to find the seed it’s planting within you. “Let this radicalize you.” Healing is radical, loving is radical, hell, fucking empathy is becoming more radical every day, earnestness is radical, expansion is radical, pleasure is radical. Part of what it takes to endure life with flexibility and grace instead of rigidity and resistance is committing to living holistically. You can be having the worst day of your life and still have something beautifully, transformative and awe-inspiring happen to you. You can be in the middle of sobbing from heartbreak and burst into laughter. You can be scared and overwhelmed and angry and soft and loving and frustrated and forgiving and kind and firm and abundant and broke as a joke and generous and anxious and slutty and discerning and loyal and fighting and yielding too. Expansion doesn’t always feel good. In fact, a certain willingness to be uncomfortable is really the only way to experience expansion in the first place. Just like that moment, right before the fist goes in.

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we were meant to be free

I love leftists. I love intellectuals. I love union organizers. I love people who care. I love people who stand up to injustice. I love seeing all the ways people put their time and bodies and hearts on the line to do what’s right. It’s so beautiful to me. So healing and hopeFULL and inspiring. I think so many people are stunned into inaction by trauma– learned helplessness is a real thing. And the threat of the white supremacist capitalist cisheteropatriarchy is real. There are consequences to stepping out of line, just like there are consequences any time anyone stands up to an abuser. But the freedom? The empowerment?! To stand up to a fucking menace?! That’s healing. Let there be so many people fighting back that it’s unstoppable. Let the tides turn and STAY turned in a more loving direction. It is possible– there are more of us than them. And we have love. Love is the most powerful thing in the universe. It IS the universe. To quote that boring ass book the status quo upholders love to whip out whenever it’s convenient “Love is the law.” What they’re doing is rooted in the basest manifestations of human experience; greed, power-over, control. Many have tried that before and they always fail. Marx said “Revolution is inevitable.” Here it is. The strength of the human spirit was not meant to kowtow and allow itself to be broken–that’s why it never has been. Everyone oppressed has always fought back and fought back and fought back and, while progress is certainly, frustratingly NON-linear, there is progress nonetheless. Think of all the people who have said “No” in the past. They’re walking with us now. They’re proud of you for living their legacy. I’m proud of you too. Thank you for your service, you’re literally braver than the US Marines.

I went to a Democratic Socialists of America pool party recently with my friend Niv where we discussed The Communist Manifesto by Marx and Engels and Race and the Communist Manifesto by Robin D. G. Kelly and I had such a good time! Whenever I am in leftist spaces; whether it’s at a protest or a meeting or just having a really good conversation with a loved one (all of my loved ones' politics align with my own and that’s not an echo-chamber thing, it’s a discernment thing), it makes me so emotional. I feel so in awe of the intelligence, the empathy, the layers of understanding (both intuitive and academic), the absolute earnestness of caring and showing you care. It really touches me. I like to imagine the meetings and communities sitting around discussing, commiserating, arguing, sometimes yelling, caring so vehemently throughout history. I just googled “Who was the first leftist?” (obviously the term wasn’t invented until the French Revolution, but the ideas have been around for as long as there has been subjugation of some people at the hands of others) and stumbled upon a terribly written article by some very angry little man who is Rock Hard for Rush Limbaugh™️ about how Lucifer was the first leftist. Never mind that Lucifer is a fictional character (sorry, Daddy!), but also, I have always thought it was so telling that “evil” in Christianity is so often associated with critical thinking. Saul Alinksy’s epigraph in Rules for Radicals, has reverberated through the bowels of right wing Christians since he wrote it 1971. He wrote, “Lest we forget at least an over-the-shoulder acknowledgment to the very first radical: from all our legends, mythology, and history (and who is to know where mythology leaves off and history begins — or which is which), the first radical known to man who rebelled against the establishment and did it so effectively that he at least won his own kingdom — Lucifer.” I feel like you could change a couple of details in that quote and that last word to “Jesus” and it wouldn’t feel ridiculous. Light-bringer. Interesting.

Paraphrasing the author of that blog post, because I can’t be bothered to source him, give me a B-minus for not citing, idc, That’s who leftists are–they’re evil, they destroy property, they want to overthrow the government, and they don’t care about rules!! I am clutching my pearls! Heavens!! Watching the protests in LA and all over the country and world, I am bracing for the inevitable push back; the hand-wringing over property damage – turning activists, revolutionaries, people who we will look back on and think Those are the people who saved us reduced to criminals. Anything bad that happens to them will be justified to many, because “They broke the law.” What if the law is fucked?! What if they are laws we never consented to–never would consent to? What if they are only serving a handful of amoral megalomaniacs with a debilitating empathy deficiency? What if they are wrong? What if it’s more about the suppression of any resistance than it is about serving the interests of the people? My very hot high school A.P. english teacher, who I had a HUGE crush on, didn’t believe in marriage. This blew my mind. I think it blew everyone else’s too, because one day we all started peppering her with questions about it and she, surprisingly, admiringly, answered them. She said “I just feel like any time you press down on someone, they’re gonna start to squirm.” I knew that squirming deeply.

Growing up constantly limited by the expectations and anxieties of a dysregulated caregiver–one who could not handle my imperfection or individuation, and I had been quietly fighting back (or at least building up resentment) since this one day when I was 4 years old and had the absolute audacity to be in a bad mood. I didn’t know why I was in a bad mood or even that I was in one; maybe I had on scratchy clothes or didn’t get enough sleep, or my mom had taken her hangover out on me already that day and either physically or verbally abused me, maybe my grandma had taken me to the grocery store where the lighting was offensive and the temperatures varied wildly and I got overstimulated. Whatever the reason, I was being a real sour puss. She tried everything to cheer me up but it was mostly just getting on my nerves. I didn’t have the words for Just let me be in a bad mood!! But I think that’s what I needed. Eventually, the day ended with her calling me an ungrateful little brat (🤙) and giving me a spanking; which, believe it or not, didn’t feel abusive like my mother’s whacks to the head with a hairbrush, gut-churningly hard slaps to the ass, or eventual soap-opera smacks across the face, but I would later come to terms with the fact that they were, in fact, abuse. I sat at the top of the stair case, little legs dangling underneath the wrought-iron banister, thinking something so bad; the little red, horned leftist on my shoulder whispering Say it, say it. So I opened my mouth and (this is my partner’s explanation for when you really want to say something, but you’re having a hard time getting it out) the little man on my tongue pushed and puuushed and out came “You’re a witch!” just loud enough for her to hear.

It would be decades before I would make sense of why the person who loved me the most in the world, the person who I loved and looked up to the most in the world, my Queenie, who was also mother and father and best friend and fairy godmother would cause me to squirm. Pressure. Control. Unrealistic Expectations. Disproportionate punishments. I couldn’t help but fight back. With my mother, who I had lost affection for almost as soon as I could think for myself at all–she was just so mean and cold and selfish and never liked me a day in my life, and her men; the ones why kicked the door down with all their anger issues and need for power-over and suddenly asserted themselves as the dreaded step-dad as well, it was more straight forward? I became a hell raiser. I would stand up on my bed just so I could look the worst of them in the eyes and point my little finger in his face to tell him, to show him, just how not scared I was. He once put a bunch of dog shit on my beloved trampoline (what my poor white trash family couldn’t provide in affection or stability, they made up for with one truly awesome, if not totally irresponsible Christmas gift a year) to punish us for not picking up after our dog. Under my leadership, my little tomboy gang and I cleaned it up with the white socks from his sock drawer. We stuck giant wads of bubble gum on his car tires, we blasted Backstreet Boys at all hours of the night when he took our bedroom door off the hinges. When he’d fling my math book across the room, standing over top of me and my little sister, red faced, spit flying, calling one or both of us the R-word, I gritted my teeth just like my mother did when she was angry, so I could hold the tears back. I’d never let him see me cry.

Consciousness is expansive. It’s infinite. It’s a wonder you fit into that beautiful body with all that spirit you have! A little miracle. Humans have the distinct privilege of awareness; we are able to be the universe witnessing itself, witnessing others witnessing itself, witnessing us! It’s amazing. It’s fluid and pulsing and yielding, it can bend and stretch and unfurl to fit more and more without breaking. That’s what we’re made of. We weren’t meant to be limited by systemic bullshit. We weren’t meant to be beholden to a handful of dead-inside white men who don’t even have the decency to pay the proper amount of taxes on the exorbitant amounts of money they exploit the working class out of. Did you know how much more valuable your labor is than you are being paid? What would the ruling class do without our labor? How would they function? Certainly not with the degree of luxury to which they have become accustomed. Talk about lazy. Talk about entitled. Talk about sinful, false idols, domestic terrorists, pure evil. If Satan was the first leftist, does that make the Christian God a fascist authoritarian? Honestly? Checks out.

Don’t let them spin this story. Don’t let them convince you to hide; to go still in the overwhelm, to dissociate, to surrender. Fascism needs that fear to thrive. We can overwhelm them, we have the numbers. We can get what we want. We can manifest it! We can co-create it! We have the literal most beautiful angel and Prince of Darnkness on our side lmao. We have love!

We have the smartest people in the world. Did you know Albert Einstein was a socialist? There’s nothing wrong with squirming under oppression– it's a reasonable reaction to an unreasonable situation. It’s our divine right to fight back. We weren’t meant to be oppressed. We were meant to come here and embody the energy of the universe, which created us in their image. We were meant to be free.

#freedom #liberation #allpowertoallpeople #spirituality #consciousness #oppression #laprotests #solidarity #antifascist #witch #tarot #tarotreader #astrologer #healing #love #leftist #anticapitalist #actup #landback #blackliberation #queerliberation #allpowertoallpeople #directaction #mutualaid

The Astrology of June 2025

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Well, the months just fly by, don’t they? It has been busy and stressful around these parts, but also really full. I hope life has been unfolding positively for you, at the very least helping mold you into the person you have always been becoming. We have a gorgeous Cancer stellium taking place this month (a stellium is when there are multiple placements in one sign), which is going to be bringing in a lot of connection, a call towards redefining family and home, and themes of balance, which we’ve been working on for a couple of years. Expect to feel a shift in luck and a move towards a more positive vibe. This year so far has been quite heavy, and I’ve literally been looking forward to this month since December of last year lol.

Saturn Conjunct Neptune in Aries in late may

June 1st : Venus Conjunct Chiron in Aries at 26º

Sabian Symbol : A man possessed of more gifts than he can hold

Boy do I understand this one!! This is about having all the talent, ability, passion, and drive you need, but for way too many things. It reminds me of King Midas– isolated, denying himself the simple and profound act of touch through the pursuit of unlimited abundance. Except this has a slightly more positive vibe than that. This is about the struggle of a polymath; someone who has in-depth knowledge about a wide range of things. Do you choose one area of focus, experiencing the grief of having to leave the others behind? Do you dabble, flitting back and forth, embracing a jack-of-all-trades experience? Do you over-schedule yourself, constantly juggling, trying to give at least 95% to everything you do, often dropping one or more of the 1,000 balls you’re juggling while walking a tightrope, occasionally crashing to the ground for just long enough to get a little rest so you can bounce right back into the (organized) chaos the second you feel better (@ me); tweaking your schedules and calendars and to-do lists and goals, hoping one day you really will be able to fit it all in?!?! It’s being a little too blessed. The advice for this, from someone who refuses to let any creative love pass me by (I WON’T DO IT AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!!!!) one bite, one task at a time. Looking at the big picture is a form of self-sabotage in these types of situations. Just put one foot in front of the other. Flow when you can. Are you having fun? Are you proud of what you’re making? Then who cares? I understand that love is not in limited supply, but time is, so, you know, making realistic plans and leaving time for rest is also very important. Tap into your intuition, which can alert you when you need to push yourself past limitations, or surrender to them and take a break. This is certainly an overwhelming way to live, but tbh, it’s also really fucking fun.

Venus, the planet of love, creativity, beauty, and relationships co-joins Chiron, the wounded healer in Aries on June 1. We have been doing A LOT of relationship healing. I think it’s significant that these signs are in Aries right now. This reminds me of that Libra/Aries eclipse cycle we went through recently in 2024 through the start of 2025. Youtube astrologer Annie Botticelli calls this the “Me VS We” axis. Libra cooperates, soothes, acquiesces, uses diplomacy, and in a lower vibration, often compromises too much, leading to codependency and enmeshment. That’s the “we” part. Community and cooperation, conflict mediation, mindful communication are integral to living a holistic life (shoutout to May’s Walk On Podcast topic!), but not at the expense of the sense of self. That’s where Aries comes in. “Me.” Aries knows how to take action, how to take care of themselves, how to have firm boundaries, and honestly catches a lot of hell for doing what we all should be doing–prioritizing ourselves. I have this line in my song Walk On “Gotta look out for you, cuz no one else is going to…” It was a reminder to myself. At the time when I wrote it, I was overgiving to a lot (A LOT) of very selfish people; people who would never even acknowledge how much I was giving–instead they always let me know I wasn’t doing enough. Now, of course, I have a lot of people in my life who look out for me, but I feel I was only able to align with them once I learned to look out for myself. It’s not a bad thing to be the Sun in your solar system. You actually are the main character of your life. It’s just important to recognize that everyone else is the Sun and main character of their lives, too. The Universe is asking us to dig deeper into what a healthy balance of “Me vs We” looks like. Today would be a good day to journal about your relationship patterns, boundaries, and what you want out of your connections. Let any wounds that rise to the surface reveal themselves. Engage with them with curiosity, if you have someone in your life that feels safe, discuss them, be vulnerable about them. Sometimes all we need for a wound to lose its power over us is to release the shame around it. Finally, Chiron always urges us to transmute our wounds into helping others– how have your wounds made a teacher out of you? How have you helped others through the ways that you’ve been hurt? How can you continue doing so?

June 6 : Venus enters Taurus, Moon (20º) in Libra sextile Mars (24º) in Leo

Sabian Symbol :

20º Libra - “A Jewish Rabbi”

Blaine Bovee says of this Sabian Symbol “Self-transcendence… is analogous to dying in a single breath of divine acquiescence.” This is about release and surrender. Big changes are possible today, but necessarily through striving, conquering, or forcing, but through divine exhale. Let it go, let it be. For those who are practicing self-reflection, inner work, and healing, this is a very benefic transit.

24º Leo - “An untidy and unkempt man”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Balance. Know what you know, have confidence in yourself and allow yourself to feel confident about what you’re good at. On the other hand, practice humility–know what you don’t know, and see everything as your teacher. Maintaining that balance will never steer you wrong. Blain Bovee discusses surfers in his explanation of this sabian symbol– “Sun burnt, wind swept, bare foot and sand caked, the surfer does not look like much by conventional appearances. However the single minded focus of being in harmony with the surf, in balance while shot through the curl of accelerated fury of uncombed waves… this is the mark of a person undistracted by petty commercial temptations that hypnotize most.” Authenticity is a kind of discernment. Be so yourself that anything fake cannot even make waves in your ocean.

Today, Venus comes home to Taurus. After being in Aries for the past couple months, where Venus is in detriment, things will feel a little more comfortable. Aries has been tearing down any old paradigms in love and relating that have stopped feeling good to us. Now Taurus grounds the lesson. This is a time of earthly beauty, so get outside, get your toes and fingers in the dirt, cook a delicious meal, settle down with a cozy blanket, roll a fat blunt and have an orgasm in this big Treat Yourself energy. Moon sextile Mars may motivate you to find a balance between intuition and action, which is starting to feel like a theme already this month. This is a good time to reconnect with your long-term goals and assess how you have been taking practical action towards achieving them and making any necessary tweaks. This could be a good time to catch the attention of investors, authority figures, or collaborators to help you meet those goals. This is a good transit for healthy competition, so let yourself show how much you want something. Enjoy this energetic, sociable, and passionate energy, it will bless those who are daring enough to harness it for their own progress. Blessed be!

June 8 : Mercury Conjunct Jupiter in Gemini 29 but since we round up for the Sabian Symbol, 30º, Mercury ingresses into Cancer

Sabian Symbols :

30º Gemini - “A parade of bathing beauties before large beach crowds”

This is about the standards society sets and how they come about choosing what those standards will be. This reminds me of a first date or a job interview–puttin your best foot forward, talking about your achievements as a means of displaying your value. Do you know what makes you so damn lovable? Do you actually know your strengths? Can you speak about them without shame or impostor syndrome or self-deprication? I struggle with this, too, believe it or not but it is so important to know your own value. It is also important to know your own values. What are your standards for the life you’re building? What traits do you see as green flags and which ones are red? Which greater societal standards are really cramping your style? You can choose to release yourself from anything that doesn’t serve you. Be discerning with what you internalize. It can really change your life.

Today is like if a day could be good news. Optimism and curiosity are encouraged under this transit. This one’s for the wiki-walkers and the insatiable learners. Communication of all kinds is blessed here. You are lucky and expansive when you speak your mind in a way that is exciting, well-informed, and direct, but entertaining. I just heard a story about a woman who had a kind of mean, judgmental group of friends and she decided to train them into being kinder by spraying them with a spray bottle every time they said something rude. Like that! Perfect time to socialize, get out there and mingle! Any kind of business endeavor is favored at this time, just be sure not to gloss over the fine print. Writing, publishing, pitching, it’s all good baby! Jupiter in Gemini sometimes struggles with impulsivity, so take your time, there’s no need to rush. If the download of ideas is overwhelming, just be sure to jot them down so you don’t forget them when the energy passes. OH! And please try to have a little fun! It’s a good fucking day, ya’ll! Enjoy!

June 9 : Jupiter Ingress into Cancer

This is significant, because Jupiter feels SO good in Cancer; in fact, it’s exalted here! This transit will bring a year of luck, abundance and good fortune to the Cancer house of your chart. If you’d like to see how this transit will affect you specifically, you can book an astrology consultation with me! Just click the link in my bio, or in the description box below, and then the “services” tab. There will be a lot of emotional growth, as well as a focus on nurturing, noticing where we feel safe enough to open up, and family (which doesn’t have to mean bio families, it can speak to chosen family as well). This month is churning up real new beginnings. I am so excited to see how this all plays out. Come back and let me know in the comments how Jupiter in Cancer changes things for you. This feels like the shift we’ve needed to finally manifest a softer way of being into the world. Things have been too hard for too long. I’ve always talked about how every person who clicks into the healing frequency raises the vibration of the earth, which makes it easier for others to awaken as well, and then more, and more, and more; like ripples in a pond. It’s reverberating, my friends! Forgive the youth group leader energy I’m about to embody, but you can’t spell revolution without LOV and E. I’m so ready.

June 11 : Full Moon in Sagittarius 21º

Sabian Symbol :

21º Sagittarius - “A child and a dog wearing borrowed sunglasses”

The cliché that comes to mind here is “fake it ‘til you make it.” Sometimes, OFTEN, embodying the vibe of a thing before you actually ARE it can accelerate success. It reminds me of how, when David Bowie was still unknown to anyone and frustrated with the lack of progress in his career, he decided to cultivate his image; his sense of style, his aura, the way he carried himself. He created a rock star, though he wasn’t one yet, and wouldn’t you know? He became one. There are people out there doing what you want to be doing with twice the confidence and half the ability and that is only going to fill you with resentment if you don’t figure out how to do that thing as well, so get out there! You’ve got everything you need within you. And anything you don’t have yet, you can learn or cultivate or acquire. In life, in magic, in politics, don’t let what is directly in front of you dictate what you believe is possible. That reminds me of my theme for 2025– DREAM BIGGER.

When the archer fires their arrow, they must first pull it back with exactly the right tension, at the right angle, to ensure an accurate hit. Sometimes we need to take a couple steps back to head in the right direction. Sagittarius loves to know. They will be the first to take out their phone to fact check a talking point in a group convo at a party. Engage with your life journey with that same kind of curiosity. Reflect on all the things that had to align to get you where you are and consider all the things that are aligning to get you where you’re going. Sagittarius loves to travel, so try to find a way to enjoy the journey as much (or maybe even more) than the destination itself. It’s the in-betweens that are actually where all the magic happens. A finish line is fleeting–just a blip between journeys. Take some time to ground; have a good conversation, write, philosophize, wax poetic, laugh, play outside, do something adventurous that makes you feel alive. Clarity will come when it is supposed to. For now, try to keep an open mind and enjoy the ride.

June 15 : Jupiter in Cancer square Saturn in Aries 2º

Sabian Symbol:

2º Cancer - “A man on a magic carpet hovers over a large area of land.”

2º Aries - “A comedian reveals human nature.”

2º of Cancer reminds me of The Hanged Man in the tarot. Sometimes to see something clearly, you need to look at it from a different perspective. If you find yourself ruminating endlessly on an issue you can’t figure out how to resolve, try something new. Taking time away from others is crucial to turning up the volume on your own inner voice, and turning down the volume on the rest of the world. This is very important self-care. Notice I didn’t say turn OFF the other voices–its important to not become an echo chamber of our own perceptions, but making the perceptions of others too important can also cause chaos. Balance is key. If you’re in the thick of it and feel like you can’t even see the path in front of you, try taking a bird’s eye view. “How would I advise a friend in this situation?” “Have I ever navigated anything like this before?” “If I’m not ready to handle this thing, can I instead consider why I don’t feel ready?” Change will happen, try to not waste too much time wishing it wouldn’t and instead put your focus on learning how to flow with it when you can. 2º Aries is a somewhat contradictory/complementary message. Sometimes we need another’s perspective in order to see things clearly. You know how sometimes “nothing I do matters” can be comforting and other times “everything I do matters” feels good? Or like the “Nothing matters…” “Nothing Matters!!!” dichotomy. Sometimes life is so absurd we have to laugh. Sometimes making light of something takes its power away. Sometimes taking ourselves too seriously is the fast track to misery. Shake it off! Life’s a joke.

Squares bring tension and this day is going to be a tense one for sure! It’s ok, this too shall pass. And on the other side of this transit; if you can allow the set backs, the frustrations, the loss of resources, the criticisms or rejections to teach you, you will come out the other side to some karmic rewards, even if it’s just learning how to maintain a positive attitude while going through difficult shit. This square is challenging us to confront our fears around vulnerability. Where do you struggle to express your truth? What taught you to be afraid? The theme of balance is repeated here–where can you inject intuitive discipline in your life? That’s called inspired action. Sustainable progress isn’t really about hard deadlines and rigid schedules, it’s about doing what you can each day, making sure that every step of the way is grounded in not only what needs done, but also what feels good. Sometimes checking off your to-do list is self-care, sometimes getting an hour of extra sleep feels better. When you know how you feel in each moment, when you prioritize authenticity, you can greet each day, each version of yourself with loving and realistic expectations. You’ll still get done what you need to, and you’ll feel a hell of a lot better doing it.

June 17 : Mars enters Virgo

Mars in Leo has been pretty kind to us over the last few weeks. Maybe you’ve felt more gregarious, more action-oriented, more drive, bossier, and motivated to go after what you want. Now, we’re slowing things down with Mars in Virgo. The devil is in the details. Slower doesn’t have to mean boring or worse, it can just mean different! It's important to not always expect the exact same results from ourselves every day, because every day is different and we are different every day. Scrutinize the little things, tweak and hone and ground your vision. Be intentional with each step you take. Let precision be a meditative practice, but keep perfectionism out of it. Perfectionism and criticism is the fatal flaw of every Virgo. Don’t let “perfect” get in the way of “good enough,” but also don’t let “good enough” get in the way of “great.” Balance, my babies. Balance.

June 18 : Jupiter in Cancer Square Neptune in Aries 3º

Sabian Symbols:

3º Cancer - “A man all bundled up in fur leading a shaggy dear”

3º Aries - “The cameo profile of a man, suggesting the shape of his country.”

Blaine Bovee says of 3º of Cancer “If what lies beyond in the unimaginable realities, unsettles security, one may passively accept self-imposed restrictions and binding limitations.” Change may destabilize security, but that is only one potential outcome. The pain of expansion is real, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. Taking a break real quick to announce/plug June’s Walk On Podcast topic episode (dropping June 15, put in on your calendars, don’t forget to like/follow/subscribe/hit that notification bell so you never miss an episode), “The Pain of Expansion;” it’s gonna be about fisting. Jk it’s gonna be about growth through the LENS of getting fisted. We are leaving the known path and entering into the unknown, cloaked in what we decided we needed for the journey. Just take it one step at a time. Let the path’s unfolding surprise, delight, and sure, sometimes scare you. When you take away the judgment around emotions, you see that they all serve you if you let them. 3º Aries is about the individual self VS the whole. Everything is a spiral, everything is a cycle. Birth is death and death is rebirth. Like the ouroboros, like the chicken and the egg, endings and beginnings are nebulous. The thing about true, deep-rooted, from-the-gut authenticity, is that the microcosm, the corner of the universe that is you gives way to the macrocosmic, looping back around to where YOU become the mouthpiece for The Universe, transmitting the frequency of Being to everyone you encounter. The part becomes the whole. The whole becomes the part. A perfect circuit and then, a spark.

Today, you may feel inspired to model the strength of your convictions with inspired action. Don’t talk about it, be about it. “Do or do not, there is no try.” But tread carefully; this transit is a test of faith that comes from the tension innate in a square. Neptune represents illusions and delusions, so the test could come in the form faltering because of something you weren’t seeing clearly. It’s ok! Take a deep breath and put your left hand in the center of your heart space. Feel that good good grounding energy. Embarrassment and regret may come up, but that’s ok, you just have to feel them. Find forgiveness for yourself for not being omniscient– none of us are (not even the clairvoyants!). Whatever comes up today, you can handle it. You may feel a little suspicious, try not to take it too seriously, but if you can avoid making a commitment, signing a contract, or investing, gambling, shooting your shot today, maybe just sleep on the decision. You are learning an important lesson through this experience. Allow it to connect you to that Source Consciousness, to the bigger picture, and let it teach you to trust your own resilience. Look at all you’ve already survived. You’re amazing!

June 20 : Sun enters Cancer

Happy Cancer season! We have got quite the pile up in the earthiest water sign this month. Protect your peace! Start pinching people when they get on your nerves! Be the softest, squishiest curmudgeon you can be! Home is wherever you are, baby! “Roam if you want to, roam around the world, roam if you want TOo, without wings, without wheels, without anything but the love we feel!” There is a focus of vision that the cosmos are giving us this month–I think that’s why the theme is balance, because it would be very easy to be kind of one track minded. Spend some time in or near water, hydrate, and be inspired to flow. Water signs are known for their strong intuition, so pull a few tarot cards, get a reading (you can get on from me!), try automatic writing, take a day to do nothing but follow your bliss and see what comes of it. Intuition is a muscle; if you don’t use it, you can lose your connection to it. You have the energy of the ocean inside you–if you sit with her and listen for long enough, you start to feel her rhythm in the autonomic processes of your body; inhale, exhale, tide pulls in, tide pulls out. You are divine. Just bask in it, just a little bit.

June 24 : Sun conjunct Jupiter 4º Cancer

Sabian Symbol :

4º Cancer- “A cat arguing with a mouse”

Blaine Bovee says of this symbol, “One argues with oneself, hoping to convince oneself that the old impulses are still legitimate.” This is the vibe of when the inner change has already started to unfold; the tower is already in process of falling, but the experiencer is still trying to find ways to cling onto the old anyway. It’s this one last rattling breath of the white supremacist capitalist cishetero patriarchy we’re being forced to live through. Babeeey, it’s done! All you’re doing with all this resistance is delaying the inevitable and prolonging your suffering. Surrender. And if you’re not ready to surrender, think about WHY you aren’t ready. Be wary of pissing contests and ego trips. Also look out for ways you may be objectifying others. “By any means necessary” as a strategy for anything is kind of tired. Let’s take a gentler and more mature approach. If it requires you to sacrifice your soul, then maybe it’s not worth it. It’s like I always say, “there’s more than one way to pet a cat!”

June 25 : New Moon in Leo

This New Moon, take some time to reflect on your needs and boundaries. Connect with the impossibly soft core of you. Embrace any feelings that come up with radical acceptance, even love them if you can manage. Do a meditation where you have a conversation with your inner child–what do they think of you? How are they hurting? Can you be the adult you didn’t have? Reparenting yourself (if you had messed up parents) is one of the most loving acts you can do for yourself. It’s so beautiful and so powerful and, best of all, it works. The things my family should have taught me when I was a child (like how to not utterly neglect my own health and well-being), I have now taught myself. And it feels almost as good as if I had learned it when I was supposed to. Same thing with a healthy attachment style, confidence, the ability to lay boundaries, individuation, having a sense of self… all that is learnable through re-parenting. Give yourself some good self-care by honoring cancer’s love of staying the fuck home lol. Rest. Take a nap! Ask for help, take a break, take a breath. Set an intention for the coming month; what are you calling in? What are you releasing? How are you becoming?

June 26 : Mercury Ingresses into Leo

Mercury in Leo paints with broad strokes. What they lack in detail-orientedness, they make up for in charm, social grace, positive vibes, and cheeky wit. Be brave and optimistic! You may feel a surge of creativity, so find an outlet for self-expression if you don’t already have one. You may feel called to speak with more authority and this may help you be more successful at convincing others to see things from your perspective. As always, with any Leo placement, it is important to learn when to step forward and take up space, and when to step back and have others shine too. It’s a great time to step out into the spotlight, so if you’ve been waiting for a sign to put yourself out there, this might just be it!

June 29 : Mercury in Leo opposes Pluto in Aquarius 4º

Sabian Symbol :

4º Leo- “A man formally dressed and a deer with its horns folded”

4º Pluto- “A Hindu healer glows with a mystic healing power”

I am getting the 8 of Swords card when I tap into the energy of 4º of Leo. The “shoulds” and “supposed to’s” are often so limiting to us that we mistake it for an actual prison, but they are just thoughts, just ideas, just constructs. You can choose not to subscribe to them anytime you want to. Sure, you may experience push back and there is something to be said for ease (aka privilege) of walking the path well-traveled, but if it doesn’t feel right for you, go a different way. If it feels good and right enough, you’ll stop caring about what other people think. This is where turning up the volume of your own voice comes in handy. Today you are encouraged to connect to the spiritual center within you. It’s interesting that this is the final big transit of the month, because the whole month has carried themes of connecting to the spiritual core of yourself. We’ve been guided here all along. The galaxy brain level of healing is when you start to become a healer yourself; not necessarily through credentials or accolades, but through showing, not telling. When you are healing, you glow. You become a magnet. People see the way you are living and they want to know how you manage. How you’ve survived and grew more loving. Helping others heals you, too, making healers out of them. It’s that chicken egg ripple thing again. If you’re doing your healing work, you’re changing the world. Period. I’m proud of you, you should be proud of yourself, congratulations!!!! And THANK YOU!!

Communication challenges and deep insights into psychological issues. Don’t fear the depths of Pluto, he’s just trying to show us something; he’s just trying to shine a little light on your shadow. Your mind may be processing a lot at this time, so an outlet for your thoughts may be helpful: conversation, creativity, journaling. Find a way to get it out, otherwise it can lead to overstimulation and exhaustion. Individual and relationship therapy are very supported under this transit. Knowledge is power; the more you understand, the easier all this will feel. Don’t be afraid to dive deep. A strong sense of self and being connected from your inner knowing will help you avoid falling for scams, propaganda, or allowing yourself to be silenced by threats, oppression, or psychological abuse. Take comfort in the fact that anyone trying to control you will not prevail. Pluto wants transformation. More than anything. Stay strong, stay grounded, stay true to yourself. Allow the you beneath the trauma, the programming, the ways we’ve made earth so very unbearable to our spirits to unfold like a lotus flower; out of the mud, more beautiful than it has any right to be. Let it be a reminder of what is possible.

May you feel yourself soften and yield to the currents of your life. May you feel home wherever you go. May you grow in ways you never thought you could. May you share this post or the video of my podcast with someone who you think will resonate (help a bitch out!!). May this month bring you at least one very pleasant surprise. Thank you so much for being here and listening/watching/reading. I love being in community with you.

#astrology #astrologer #astrologyreport #june2025 #tarot #tarotreader #witch #healer #empath #selflove #selfhelp #selfcare #selfcompassion #greed #generosityofspirit #healing #radicalselfacceptance #interdependence #trauma #traumarecovery #chiron #aries #leo #cancer #cancerstellium #shift #vibeshift #howtoloveyourself #healthyrelationships #howtohealyourself #howtobehappy #community #advice #podcast #podcaster #youtube #youtuber

Seeds Planted, Sproud

What are you growing?

I love the metaphor of a planted seed, and use it all the time. I love thinking of these tiny little things settled in the cold, wet dirt, sprouting and growing and reaching for the light, eventually breaking through the surface for all of us to see. I love noticing even the most mundane little plant, doing its job of simply existing, transforming our exhales into inhales, rooting down in the remains of the waste, the bodies of our human ancestors, and all the other creatures that once roamed the earth. I love a blade of grass with a little drop of dew on it. GOD! I love a patch of moss, imagining the indestructible microscopic water bears within, building and maintaining the foundation of life itself. I’d like to lie down in a bed of moss to die, when the time comes; nothing between me and the earth. I can’t think of a better way to go out. I’ll probably settle for a body farm–it’s apparently illegal to even decompose. Sometimes I think we should stop to ask ourselves What hath we wrought?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the seeds planted, which got us to the traumatizing state of the world we are living through right now. Nixon’s desire to have total control over the media (interesting, because it was journalists who took Tricky Dicky down), Reagan’s post-hippie conservative swing, with his murderous homophobia and unfiltered antichrist energy, Daddy Bush and his eflish evil and obsession with oil, Clinton and the wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing downhome sex pest sex appeal, his legalized-slavery inspired drug laws, and then the Baby Bush of it all, the demonstration of overreach that never really ever dialed back after it escalated, the fear, the islamaphobia, a post 9-11, post “we can declare war on an idea” world. Barack Obama’s intelligence and charm, his beacon of progress, his war crimes, the marginal moves forward, the refusal to move forward enough, and his Blackness, which White Supremacist America is still reeling from. Think about the Occupy movement and the foreplay to the fascism we are all living with today– the ridiculous Tea Party. That was when the line between reality and satire really started to blur. All the murders of Black people by police and neighborhood watch members and anyone paranoid and power hungry and racist and dead-inside enough to take another human life; the mass shootings, the movements, the protests, the ever-growing lists of names we commit to remembering–it’s the least we can do–and the learning and unlearning, too. Realizing the power of organizing, of sharing stories, of providing justice when we couldn’t get it anywhere else– #metoo and Black Lives Matter and Queer Liberation; learning how to look at the world with a critical eye; how to challenge white-supremacist-capitalist-cisheteropatriarchal hegemony within us and without. It really felt like we were getting somewhere! But Bernie didn’t get the nom and now never will, and the maintainers of the status quo did just that and continue to do so, looking down at us with more of the same, which the left and right can agree (and when do we ever do that?) none of us wanted, like gentle parent influencers, saying, condescendingly “You get what you get and you don’t get upset.” We didn’t even get that far!! We got as far as the inner work and knowing things needed to change, starting to realize how to do it, and starting to see movement in the direction of hope, at least. It was slow, and we were angry, but at least we were seeing representation and pronoun conversations and trans people getting to move through the world a little bit more safely. At least the people clinging to their ignorance kind of knew they could get in trouble for overtly displaying their bigotry. But that’s part of what got us here.

Never underestimate the destructive power of white “victimhood.” Anyone raised by a narcissistic white woman knows how deeply that little martyr complex can cut. These people took one look at the possibility of an unfortunately superficial-at-best consequence and went full Third Reich. “Went” is the wrong word choice. “Went” implies they weren’t always there. It is one of my conspiracy theories that all generationally wealthy white conservative-leaning families have a secret room with Nazi memorabilia in their house. I am a little bit psychic, and I’m telling you, it’s just in the vibes. Plus, there have been a number of news stories and media depictions of this phenomenon that have come out over the years that do corroborate this theory– it is way too pervasive not to be a thing. It’s like how you feel when you watch Eyes Wide Shut and you’re like “Yes, I believe rich people really do this shit” and it turns out, (Diddy, Epstien) They Do! I used to write celebrity gossip, and the stories out there about celebrity orgies are WILD. Lemme be clear, I’m not anti-orgy or freaky sex at all (which I’m sure most of you know at this point lol), but creepy rich and powerful men and young women (and young men and sometimes children) and the expectations of transactional sex with power imbalances, coersion or force, and having these massive systems in place, all this cooperation and secrecy and protection to keep things hidden and happening in perpetuity... It’s just a little on the nose, is all I’m saying. I don’t think anyone watches Eyes Wide Shut and is like “This is prePOSterous!!!” Anyway, my point is, Fox News has become The White Tears Network, and the conspiracy-subreddit-Rogan-fan-MAGA subset is in their special snowflake era, and we are all living with the consequences.

I remember in my early days of learning about feminism, I read an essay about how women are often considered too emotional but a man will murder someone for rejecting him, punch a hole in a wall because he loses a video game, do a coup because his daddy never told him he was proud of him and they still get to be considered models of emotional regulation. This level of escalation feels new, but the impulse, the idea, was a seed planted a long, long time ago. This is what conservative America has always wanted (whether they admit it or not). This is what policing the bodies, the gender, the race, the status based on arbitrary borders, and the financial stability of people leads to. This is what unchecked accumulation of wealth leads to. This is what environmental collapse leads to. This is what no access to resources leads to. This is what late capitalism leads to. This is the culmination of the choices that have been made in this country from day one. Actions, meet consequences. This is where we’ve always been heading. It’s like an abusive relationship– while you’re under the spell, you can find an excuse for every controlling behavior; it all feels so romantic, so passionate, so exciting, but once you’re out of it?? You can’t even find the beauty in the person anymore. All you can see is the immaturity, the insecurity, the volatility, the desperate grasp for control. Sometimes things have to get really bad before people surrender to change. Think of every bit of stubbornness in you, in your loved ones; think of all the times you resisted til your body ached, til every muscle was in knots, til you thought your heart would explode. Think about the rubble, the ash, the disaster that lay at your feet when the inevitable fall finally fell. How bad did it have to get? How loud did the wake-up call have to be? Think about all the grief, the resentment, the frustration, the responsibility, the anger, the pain that went unfelt for so long. Those moments, for me, became compost; a dead thing to create life from. Maybe we’re still in the death phase. It feels like the old world is dying, but still, frustratingly, destructively, terrifyingly trying not to.

My Queenie (that’s what I called my grandmother) died what feels like recently, but it could have been months or over a year ago. Linear time has never been my strong suit (hence, my tagline “They exist beyond the confines of gender and time.” I thought about adding “genre” in there too, because that’s true, but I wanted it to be snappy.). My aunt, who has become the backbone of the family and who, I am so grateful to say, really took the reigns on getting me back in touch with them, made me feel safe enough to try; I always describe her as “a bitch on wheels,” which I say with truly all the love and admiration in the world, told me how much Queenie resisted at the end. She told me how she once read that narcissists often have the hardest time dying–they resist it so hard, and they get so angry about it, because it’s the one thing they can’t control. I am so grateful to have surrendered my control a long time ago. Practicing all my little deaths: my orgasms, my sneezes, my changes of mind and transformations, my proven wrongs and meditations. Ego deaths. I used to look at Queenie when she’d rage at me–throwing a tantrum– she always reminded me of a toddler when she was like that, or a teenager (the kind of teenager I never was, incidentally, I never earned her rages.) and I’d think How have you not worked on this yet? You can resist forever if you want. It’s possible! But it doesn’t lead to a very happy or free life.

A seed has been planted in the good direction, too. I can’t tell you how different I am, how much more honest and loving my perception of the world is now. The overlapping Venn Diagrams of oppression, for me, come up in every single conversation I have with anyone. There are more people out there motivated to change than there ever have been before. While some people have the strength of will or depths of fear or whatever personality flaw it is to be able to close Pandora’s Box once they open it, for most people, realizations cannot be unrealized. To RECLAIM the EXREMELY TRANS 1999 film The Matrix, once you take that red pill, you cannot go back to sleep again. Even if you could, you could never really forget. Some of the seeds that were planted in me that have grown into a Holistic Liberation way of living were planted before I was ever born, by people I will never meet, but who’s thoughts and work and minds are as dear to me as anyone I love in the here and now and with my own two hands. It’s already happened. The Tower already fell. I know the disorienting experience of Tripping Balls and being around people who are stone sober, marveling at how we could be looking at the same thing and having completely different experiences, wishing they could see what I do, because it’s unbelievably beautiful. It’s like how you might look at someone you love and think You are a miracle of creation, you are sex on a stick, your brilliance and capacity for love take my breath away and they can feel, at that exact moment, like they don’t even like themselves or have anything to offer. GOD! What I wouldn’t give to be able to play our loving perceptions of each other like movies for one another to experience, to understand how much we mean to each other. Words fail to do the profundity of love justice, to my constant annoyance. Or maybe I’m just not that good of a writer. Idk.

This whole thing reminds me of something very silly, so let me cook. The Rapture. I said, LET ME COOK!! Many Christians are kind of like Teresa Guidice from the Real Housewives of New Jersey, in the sense that they do not understand metaphor, and that often leads to table-flipping conflicts. They are also very goth, which I would think was fabulous and sexy, if they didn’t want me to hate myself so much. The Rapture is a metaphor for awakening. The people who “ascend” will essentially return to the (sang in the style of Mayem Gaga, Amen) Garden Of Eden!! Life will be beautiful for them, abundant, they will have everything they need; there will be no more suffering, very “imagine all the people…” and then there will be those still-asleep souls who get Kirk Cameron Left Behind™, forced to live in the hell of a world they created. Poetic. Fierce. I kind of stan. Look at the world!! There are those of us in stark reality; struggling, forced into a system we don’t agree with, held hostage by work, all while witnessing one of the most heinous genocides the world has ever seen, losing rights left and right, falling into fascism, feeling shame at how judgmental we were of the people of the past, sitting on our high horse wondering how could they have let this happen and here we are, not “letting” it happen necessarily, but seemingly powerless to stop it. I get so triggered by this particular feeling of stuck, like being held down by my mom’s boyfriend, my 10 years on earth not even flashing before my eyes, most of them too dark to remember, instead all I could think was I’m going to die. I wasn’t even scared, exactly. I was just stating it like a fact. I can’t breathe. What weight those words carry now, in this present moment, given all the lives ended with a boot, a knee on a neck, one body pinning another to the ground, and the memory of his over mine with a toy chair pressing into my windpipe. I tear up as I type them, I can’t breathe.

Denial is a hell of a drug. The thing about being a truth-teller is that you know the simple truth that It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way. You sense the goodness in yourself, in others, in all the potentialities of the future. You understand that we are only as stuck in these patterns as we allow ourselves to be. You know how to unpack a thing in your mind when it doesn’t resonate any longer. You have allowed yourself to undergo the ego death of letting yourself be wrong, being able to change your mind when presented with new information. You may tango with absurdity, but you never let yourself fall into nihilism. There is hope in wanting things to be different; in believing they could be better. There is so much love in that desire. You are courageous in the face of feeling your feelings, you haven’t smothered the empathy impulse within you because it hurts too much to feel. It does hurt. But you know the importance of that discomfort. You want to connect, to care for, to communicate with, to build community with others. You know how to show up vulnerable, to be authentic, you know your boundaries and you lay them; you know the power of speaking up. To me, that is the Garden of Eden; that is awakening. Maybe the way we are forced to live doesn’t match the liberation within, but when I was homeless and squatting in an empty house, or sleeping on a friend’s couch, I used to write in my journal I have a safe place to live over and over, allowing myself to tap into the energy of what that would feel like– I can’t tell you I knew it would happen, but I can tell you it did. It’s hardest to see where you’re heading when you’re in the thick of it, and we are in the THICK of it, honey! But the world becoming more uncomfortable, those in charge making choices that hurt the majority of us and help only a chosen few (the most sociopathic and exploitative among us, at that) is a sign of those sprouting seeds. Look at the way people respond to rude celebrities! We are losing our patience and willingness to be distracted by the illusion. The Red Pills (please remember I’m reclaiming this, ugh, the association of cringe at Matrix references because of a bunch of fucking nerds who missed the point entirely is SO not fair to the Wachowzki sisters) have awakened. Our seeds aren’t just sprouting, they’re taking root.

#personalgrowth #healing #leftist #antifacsist #liberation #hope #therevolution #awakening #awareness #selflove #selfhelp #selfcare #recovery #trauma #toxicrelationships #change #transformation #surrener #thetower #abundance #manifestation #howtobehappy #howtoloveyourself #howtoembracechange

The Astrology of May 2025

This month should feel a lot more energized and forward-moving, as so much (even the outer planets!) is in direct motion. There is a Pluto retrograde afoot, but we’ll discuss that a little bit later. Last month’s theme was “alignment.” The theme of this month seems to be “clarity.” May 2025 promises some passionate progress in communication and in the movement for liberation. Let’s build community, let’s practice solidarity, let’s step further into authenticity, let’s align with love, let’s get into it!

May 2: Venus Conjunct Neptune in Aries (1°)

Sabian Symbol: A woman just rising from the sea. A seal is embracing her.

This Sabian symbol reminds me of the myth of the Selkie. “Selkie” is the Scottish word for “seal.” Selkies are part human and part seal; they can live on land or in the sea. This myth is thought to be part of the inspiration for The Little Mermaid because selkies are said to be tricked into marrying humans. If, when they emerge from the sea, a human finds and hides their skin, they are stuck with the human and unable to return to the sea until they can find it again. These marriages, built on dishonesty and coercion, are rarely happy, as the Selkie always longs for the other part of their dual nature and true home.

This is a dreamy aspect that is great for vibing– get baked and put on your favorite record, watch a movie that makes you feel nostalgic or romantic, read a spicy novel, daydream to your heart’s content. Neptune is the planet of illusions and delusions, though, so don’t take anything too seriously. If you’ve been denying a harsh reality or refusing to acknowledge a less-than-ideal situation, things may be coming to a head this month. Likewise, if you’ve been taking a good connection for granted, or haven’t been able to see the cream rising to the top, this may be an eye-opening day for you. You may feel called to make bold declarations or engage with romantic gestures–maybe just feel it for the moment—give the energy a chance to level out. Anything initiated during this transit may have a tip-of-the-iceberg vibe whose culmination/payoff/reveal may turn out to be the consequence of rose-colored glasses. Let your heart soar, but try to keep those feet on the ground.

Where are you the selkie, trapped and limited by something outside of yourself? Where are you the human, creating stability at any cost–even the autonomy of another? This could be a struggle going on within you. Allow the magical energy of this day to inspire you embrace your multifacetedness, to be yourself as fully as you can manage, if only with yourself. In time, with practice, it will become easier to embody all of you all of the time. Or at least more of you more of the time. Vibrate toward those people who can hold your love for the land and the sea and away from those who would stoop so low as to make you choose.

May 4 : Pluto Retrograde in Aquarius (4°)

Sabian Symbol: A Hindu Yogi demonstrates his healing powers. This is about healing imbalances. This is about the arrogance of man to think he can commodify and control nature. It’s a reminder to listen to the elders who uphold the traditions of living in harmony with the earth and the cosmos. Degrowth, shedding the ego trap of capitalism and colonization, allowing the wildness within to connect with the wildness of our home, which has given us everything we need. We just have to learn moderation, balance, surrender, gratitude, and empathy. To feel the earth as if we are her, because we are; to feel one another as if we are each other, because we are. It hurts to feel so deeply, but it is also profound, and it makes doing harm so much more difficult. Healers are doing this work. Find them, listen to them, celebrate them, learn from them. Do this and I promise we will be alright.

So everything but Pluto is direct this month. We’re re-retreading ground already covered, going over things to make sure we’ve crossed all our ts and dotted all our…lowercase js. Pluto is deep transformation; an uncovering of the darkest wounds. Pluto will be moving backwards until October of this year, so get in loser, we’re going healing! We’re further analyzing power structures, systems, ways of being, philosophies, and unpacking our commitment to them. Look around you. The revolution is happening. Every day, every moment. Attune to the vibration of hope. Get your needs met so you can keep fighting the good fight. Don’t stop questioning, don’t stop introspecting, don’t stop loving. We are further along than we can see right now. Hold fast onto hope. The time for nihilism is through.

May 5: Mercury in Aries, Sextile Jupiter in Gemini (22°)

Sabian Symbols:

22° Aries - “the gate of the garden of desire”

22 ° Gemini - “a barn dance”

Immediate manifestation. DREAM BIGGER. You can have it if you let yourself. We often know what we want and immediately dismiss it as impossible, a pipe dream, but what if that dismissal is a self-fulfilling prophecy? Like Agatha Cromwell said in the 1998 Disney Channel Original Movie Halloweentown “Magic is asking for what you want, and then letting yourself have it!” A barn dance suggests a rapid-and-often switching of partners (swing your partner round and round, do-see-do and touch the ground lol). How willing are you to see life from someone else’s perspective? Much of the time, conflict can be resolved with the invocation of empathy. How would I feel if someone did what I’m doing to them, to me? When you have the impulse to be controlling, consider how much you hate being controlled. Consider your privileges. Think of the way this world treats people of certain marginalized identities– if the sheer fact of their humanity doesn’t pluck your heart strings, imagine yourself living their experience, what it must feel like. We all just want to be free, but none of us can be free while any of us are still enslaved. We are all connected. Don’t pull up the ladder behind you, reach back and help someone else up! To quote one of my film daddies, David Lynch, “Fix your hearts or die.”

Remember that daydreaming you were doing May 2? What has stuck with you in the following days? What have you deemed too exorbitant, too out there to move from desire to reality? Is it really so far-fetched? This day can bring optimism and clear-thinking. Clear thoughts bring clear communication. Things may move very quickly and fortuitously, this day. If there is something you’ve been putting off for the “right time,” this might just be it!

May 6: Mercury Conjunct Chiron in Aries (23° and 25°) AND Venus in Aries Sextile Pluto in Aquarius (4°)

Sabian Symbols:

23° Aries -“A woman in pastel colors carrying a valuable and veiled load.”

25° Aries - “The possibility for a man to gain experience at two levels of being.”

4° Aries - “Two lovers strolling on a secluded walk.”

4° Aquarius - And “A Hindu Yogi…” which we already discussed.

Desire without assertiveness is just a daydream. When we take action toward our dreams, we ground them in reality. The birth-death-rebirth cycle is universal and ever-turning. What are you creating? What are you shedding? This symbol also stresses the importance of “moving in silence,’ sometimes revealing something too soon can let others’ doubts, projection, perceptions, and energy get in the way of getting what needs done done. Know what to conceal and what to reveal. Your intuition holds the answers. Blain Bovee writes of this Sabian symbol, “Man can only truly experience what he deeply believes he can experience.” This goes back to those Halloweentown bars. What do you want? Do you believe you have what it takes to get it? What would it take, after all? There is also something here about the inner and outer experiences… how can you better integrate the two? Authenticity requires this alignment. It is available to you, believe it! Duality is a law that is meant to be transcended. Find the nuance. Find the truth of you. Find the awareness of your experience. Electricity cannot be created without both positive and negative energies. Through this union, something new is formed. None of this is new information, in fact its very very old. There have been attempts to remove it from consciousness, but there are those who never forgot, there are those working to remember. You can wake up at any time.

This day can support you in taking bold action towards romantic or financial goals, as long as you act in accordance with your values. Mercury and Chiron together point us in the direction of looking at our wounds regarding communication. Where have you felt silenced? You may feel called to speak up about the ways you’ve been hurt in your life. Chiron is the wounded healer and empowers us to help others by telling our own stories. This requires a quieting of the voice of shame. Meet with your chosen family and dive deep into what you’ve been going through, schedule an extra therapy session, be there for someone who needs support, pour your heart out, pour into others, let them pour into you. The intimacy we can nurture here is divine. Let yourself be seen. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it can bring such healing, too.

May 12: Mercury in Taurus square Pluto in Aquarius (3°) AND the Full Moon in Scorpio (23°)

Sabian Symbols:

3° Taurus - “Natural steps lead to a lawn of clover in bloom”

3° Aquarius - “A deserter from the Navy”

23° Scorpio - “A bunny metamorphosed into a fairy”

Blain Bovee says of 3° Taurus, “Resolute perseverance improves one’s lot step by step.” The abundance that comes from tenacity, diligence, and patience may not bowl you over–a slow burn is called that for a reason–but the middle path is often more stable and sustainable than one that comes on quickly and burns out just as fast. Break those big dreams down into the babiest steps you can, then feel the grown and sexy thrill of checking off your to-do list. Look up once in a while and realize you’ve come pretty far, actually! I talked about 3° Aquarius in last month’s astrology report: jumping ship, a change in status, social rejection that comes from marching to the beat of your own drum. Finally, 23° Scorpio speaks of finding magic in the mundane, and how existing outside of the status quo can have others undervaluing or underestimating what they don’t understand. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be labeled an eccentric than lauded as a conformist.

May 11 Mercury moved into Taurus, which feels like a grinding halt after being in quick, impulsive Aries. That’s where that resolute perseverance comes in. Sometimes things slowing down can feel like a vacation! After last month’s breakneck pace, this shift is welcome and needed. Don’t live by someone else’s timeline, don’t get on the life-escalator if you don’t want to. Stay curious, stay open, stay questioning. Honor the people, places, causes, and pastimes your spirit calls out to. Shed “Should.” Step into alignment, it will protect you like no walls around your heart ever could. Release urgency. When you feel the call to go faster, try slowing down instead. Take a deep breath. See what happens. Let me know how it works out for you!! Tell me in the comments! That Full Moon in Scorpio may bring revealed secrets, deeply hidden wounds, and powerful transformations (like the bunny to the fairy!). Pluto rules Scorpio, too, so these energies are amplified by the retrograde. Dig deep, baby. Let the energies show you what you need to uncover. If it’s coming up, you can handle it. Unburdening yourself from the past comes from allowing yourself to feel what you’ve been working so hard to avoid. It’s ok. It’s just part of the process. Surrender. I am paraphrasing YouTube astrologer Lori Lothian here: “If you’re scared or unsure of yourself, consider what the caterpillar must imagine the butterfly to be like.” It’s like when you’re in kindergarten and you meet someone in high school… that’s gonna be me?? One day?? Yeah! It is! And it will be scary and sad and messy and gorgeous and fun, and it will change you forever. And so it is.

May 17 : Sun conjunct Uranus in Taurus (14°) AND Mercury in Taurus(12°) square Mars in Leo (14°)

Sabian Symbols:

14° Taurus - “On the beach, children play while shellfish grope at the edge of the water”

12° Taurus - “A young couple window shopping”

14° Leo - “A human soul seeking opportunities for outward manifestation”

The Temperance card is number 14 in the Tarot, which features the Archangel Gabriel on a beach, pouring water from one cup to another, one foot on water, one foot on land. We all exist in that complementary and oppositional duality of being in this world but not of it. We are all antennas for the Universe. What frequency are you transmitting? Are you making your unconscious conscious? Are you able to hold the complexity of life? The beauty, the pain, the bliss, the loss, the joy, the grief, the miracles, and the tragedies? Be the alchemist, allow the experience to make you softer, closer to that which created us, all the time. That internal shift will lead to external changes, so be on the lookout for what you want to call in. Align yourself with your desires. Allow them to come in. You are the conductor and creator of your destiny. What you do today has consequences tomorrow, so choose lovingly–you’ll thank yourself for it later.

These transits on this day could bring sudden changes, or sudden urges to change. Taurus and Leo, both fixed signs, can be intensely stubborn. Here, Taurus wants to slow (and calm) down, and Leo wants to ACT! This can lead to feelings of tension and unease, but this, too, shall pass. Expect conflict, be prepared to navigate these challenges with diplomatic honesty. Don’t be harsh! But do be real. Get out of your comfort zone, veer from the routine–that’s one of my favorite ways to tap into my intuition, by allowing my day to tell me what it wants to be. You might be feeling a little more rebellious than usual–it’s a good day for protests, just temper your ego and don’t do anything too risky or impulsive; Uranus rules accidents, so literally tread carefully. Go to a town hall and speak your piece! Call your representatives! You’re fired up! Use it. Regardless of any tension or tumult, try to stay open to any insights, opportunities, chance meetings, and changes that should fall in your lap today. Things are shifting, see if you can ride the waves.

May 22: Venus in Aries trine Mars in Leo (16°)

Sabian Symbol:

16° Aries - “Nature spirits are seen at work in the light of sunset”

16° Leo - “The storm ended, all nature rejoices in brilliant sunshine”

Wow! What gorgeous images! The foundation of a healthy society should be to ensure that everyone is supported in living a holistic life. We shouldn’t have to squeeze in rest, self-care, time to connect with nature, time for each other, or a spiritual practice. Unfortunately, we do. Make some time today to connect with the spiritual realm. Meditate, walk in nature, tune in, drop out. Something astral wants to connect with you, tap in by being fully present with whatever you’re doing today. It will lead to something beautiful. “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” The sunshine after a thunderstorm is one of my favorite vibes. Shift your gears to a new age of enlightenment–don’t let the Dark Ages we’re living through right now distract you from where we’re going. We could change everything if we chose to. Think how good it will feel when we’re on the other side of this. When we’re seeing the harvest of this hard work. Eye of the Tiger. Eye on the prize, baby. Eye on the prize.

This is a hot and spicy day! Love and desire connect, commiserate, entwine, and align. It’s a good day for social and romantic endeavors. Want to confess your feelings to your crush? Attend a networking event? Collaborate on a creative project? Today is the day to do it! In existing relationships, this transit inspires closeness and eases the way for resolving long, drawn-out issues or tensions. A tough conversation could lead to a deeper commitment! Feel yourself, feel someone else, get out there, mingle, and shine that little light as bright as you can stand! Fortune favors the bold.

May 24 : Sun in Gemini trine Pluto in Aquarius (3°) AND Saturn enters Aries

Sabian Symbols :

3° Gemini - “The garden of the Tuileries in Paris”

3° Aquarius - “A deserter from the Navy”

The garden of the Tuileries is a garden between the Louvre and the Place de la Concorde in Paris. It was first created by Catherine de Medici and later renovated by Loius XIV, who was king in France for 72 years! (There’s the 14 of the Temperance card again, btw). I’ve never been, but it looks like one of those super fancy manicured, sparse-but-opulent Italian Renaissance gardens that I appreciate because I love beauty and symmetry and design, but I would rather see trees and wildflowers and nature looking like nature. My opinions aside, it was only made open to the public after the French Revolution–before that, only rich people got to hang out there. Old Louis was kind of a supercolonizer and war monger with a #boymom who believed in the absolute power of the monarchy. I’m no history buff, but idk, I can see the parallels. I watched a video essay recently about how men who hate women are often raised by toxic boy moms (Diddy being one of many examples). It resonated with my experiences. Louis XIV was also an accomplished ballet dancer who used ballet for propaganda?! Fascinating. I DIGRESS! Anyway, these gardens were designed with contemplation and meditation in mind. The main message here is that we can only transcend the ever-thinking mind in the briefest of moments. We receive something cosmic and profound, and then we bring it right back down to earth to analyze it, obsess over it, make sense of it, reject it, whatever. It is the combination, the BALANCE, of intuition and intellect that leads to true clarity.

The Sun in Gemini trine Pluto in Aquarius is a good time to study and make logical sense of the esoteric. It’s a good time for favorability of superiors and people in positions of power– thinking of asking for a promotion or applying for a grant? Today is a good day to do it. There is an obsessive quality to this transit; you may be inspired to deep dive into a topic that you’ve been curious about for some time. Follow your bliss, baby! Also, Saturn enters Aries, God BLESS! Get out of Pisces forever if you want to. It’s been in dreamy, hard-to-pin-down Pisces for two years. We learned about how intuitive discipline can be if we allow it. It’s been a challenge, though! This ingress into Aries will feel like a real fire under your butt. Saturn rewards hard work, discipline, and clearing your karma. What has been coming up for you about routines and work? What patterns have you been recognizing? We’ll be in this energy until September, when Saturn retrogrades back into Pisces, so buckle up, buttercups! We’re taking action!

May 26: New Moon in Gemini AND Mercury enters Gemini

Clarity!!! That seems to be the theme of the month. What are you making sense of? Mercury in Gemini is one of my favorite placements–Prince had this one! It makes for great writers, comedians, and musicians. Gemini rules the hands, so it can make one very dexterous. This New Moon, set goals and intentions around writing, communicating, learning, teaching, and short-distance travel. Mercury moving from slow, methodical Taurus to fast-talking, fast-walking Gemini will feel like quite the shift. You may be seeing some seeds take root! Keep on keepin’ on!

May 29: Sun Conjunct Mercury in Gemini (8°)

Sabian Symbol:

8° Gemini - “Aroused strikers surround a factory”

There is A LOT of protest energy this month! The people are speaking, honey!! Look out! Is there something you’ve been holding back from saying, worried about how badly it will be received? Have you ever felt this way before, hemming and hawing, so scared to just spit it out, but once you do, it goes fine? You feel better regardless? That’s the vibe! It’s a good communication day/several days coming off of that New Moon energy. Get it out. Holding it in will only ensure a more explosive conflict later. Be honest, be loving, be kind, but say it with your whole chest. It might just turn out better than you think.

Sun conjunct Mercury can bring communication with friends, neighbors, siblings, and communities. It can encourage and inspire short-distance travel or seeking out new or deepening old areas of study. There is such a social energy to this month, which makes sense with Gemini energy, and there is so much potential for casting a wider net for connection. Put yourself out there! Have you been thinking of writing or creating, or releasing something into the world? Do it! Trying to find the right time to have that tough conversation? It’s now! Want to get involved in activism or volunteering in your community? There’s no time like the present! This year, so far, has felt kind of like trudging through a swamp; slow, laborious, heavy, thick. These shifts will have everything feeling lighter and– dare I say– a little more fun? Faster, at least. Enjoy! Enjoy the sunshine, the greenery, and the moment. Blessed be!

Want to know how these transits are impacting you personally? You can book an astrology consultation with me! Just click the link in my bio and then the “services” tab.

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Question Everything

Curiosity is the first step towards healing. Asking yourself questions like "Where is this coming from?" or even "What am I feeling right now?" Or "When was the first time I felt this way?" can open your life up in the most beautiful and unexpected ways. Unpack, analyze, and research your own experience. You’ll be shocked at what you learn, how you grow, and how much you really can love yourself.

Because of the white-supremacist-capitalist-cis-hetero-patriarchy, we're so conditioned to not feel our feelings, to lock into the life escalator, and not think too far outside of the day-to-day pay-to-play karmic hamster wheel of "life." As children--at least when you have authoritative caregivers--we are often punished for asking "Why?" But the impulse to ask why is an innate one. We are thinking, feeling, discerning, questioning beings. We have access to our consciousness in a way that feels mystical, in a way that–as far as we know– no other earthly beings have. I think it’s a freakin’ miracle, but for people who bristle at such things, you have to admit, it is at the very least a profound gift, a fortuitous accident, idk. So why not use it? Bask in it. Be grateful and have reverence for it. Question joyfully, question often, question everything!

I find a lack of curiosity unbecoming, at best, and dangerous, at worst. The personality that says “I am going to cling to the way things are and I Do Not Care To Know Why. It is what it is. That’s the way I am, take it or leave it” is a very challenging one for me to deal with. Someone else’s rigidity should have no bearing on me, but when you’re relating to someone deeply UNcurious, your curiosity becomes an active threat to their rigidity. This brings conflict, and when you’re having conflict with someone who lacks self-awareness, things usually get a little tricky. They come at me, armed with society’s weapons (We Live In A Society!!) and usually trigger a deeply-rooted shame response. It can be so hard to live outside the status quo, when the message that you are Wrong and Weird and Deserve to be Rejected is reflected back to you from so many different directions. I always leave these interactions questioning my whole being and way of life, I wonder if I have a clear understanding of the world, I do a lot of considering and re-considering. I shed what I feel needs to be shed and recommit to what still feels right. Once I get myself regulated, I notice I walked away from this interaction a little shaken, using it as a mirror to check myself before I riggedy-wreck myself, and the rigid person feels righteous and affirmed, self-satisfied, proud of their doubling down. I am always left feeling like if your tower can be undone with simple questions, maybe it isn’t as enduring as you thought it was.

I have found this lack of curiosity in the deeply dogmatic, the intensely privileged, the controlling, the exclusionary, the Power-Over subset—all people who have a lot to lose in undoing hierarchies. A huge red flag for me is any person, power structure, or spiritual system that says, “Don't question me.” Blind faith has never been my strong suit; I prefer to lead with a question, with curiosity, and should I witness something that inspires belief, I welcome it. If not, I keep it pushing. Even then, sometimes my lack of belief prompts me to want to investigate why others believe it. Regardless of where curiosity leads me, it always teaches me something about the world, other people, the universe, and myself. It really is that simple. It really is that complex.

Fear of the other is an example of rigidity. The ego says I DON’T NEED ANY NEW INFORMATION!! I DON’T NEED MY WORLDVIEW ROCKED!! I REJECT ANY THREAT TO MY SENSE OF SELF AND ITS PLACE IN THE WORLD!! This is what happens with terfs, capitalists, and white supremacists alike (funny how…close that Venn diagram is). It’s the modus operandi of the Christo-Fascist far right. They have to keep a wide array of dehumanized identities in their back pocket, otherwise, who will they scapegoat for all the problems they created? This is a good example of why taking responsibility is a revolutionary act. Make yourself aware of where you cause harm, allow others to show you the places you overlook, be open to the reality collapse of recognizing your privilege. This can be part of your daily practice—and should be!! Being proactive with change is one thing that helps it feel less jarring when the big changes come calling. If all you’ve ever experienced is negative change, of course you’re afraid of it!! Microdose it with curiosity!

Why is a great place to start. Why do I do that? Why are things the way they are? Who decided they have to be that way? Do I agree with it? If I could design a life for myself, what would it look like? Am I happy? What do I want? What keeps me from getting it? What beliefs do I have about myself? Where did they come from? Do they actually resonate with me? What was I indoctrinated into? What did I choose for myself? The list of questions to start with is endless. Take some time, maybe write the answers in your journal or record a voice note for yourself. Doing a self-inventory like this can be huge for clarifying your values, boundaries, and goals. A deeper understanding of yourself can improve your confidence greatly. It gives you what you need to more deeply understand others, as well.

Question everything! Questioning doesn’t have to have a negative vibe, it can be extremely gentle, proactive, and positive. Just a gentle curiosity, nothing more. It does tend to have roots, so it can lead you to deeper places than you initially anticipate, but deeper is never a bad thing (😜). Allow yourself to explore! If you think and feel critically, if you engage with self-inventories often, you’ll avoid the experience of operating like a Sim, just regurgitating whatever rhetoric you think you’re supposed to, and running that buggy default operating system doesn’t serve anything but the white-supremacist-capitalist-cishetero-patriarchy. Tap into a holistic life, an intersectional understanding of the world. It will only make you kinder, gentler, and more self-loving. Everyone benefits when you do this work

Life rewards those who are open to life with rich experience. Rigidity is limiting in every possible way. Aligning with something you didn’t choose is a shortcut to a life filled with resentment and resentment has the worst fucking vibes. You can’t live your truth until you know what that truth is, and you can’t know until you investigate it, until you uncover all that isn’t true. This is hard work. There is so much grief to be felt at time lost, at pieces of yourself others denied you, at the way we’ve constructed a way of being that is so detrimental to our spirits. Grief is meant to be felt. It’s a way of honoring what was lost. Mourn it, release it, commit to being staunch in your authenticity, and in your divine right to change your mind. Honor your autonomy, use it to build an interdependent community. Learn to love without losing yourself. Learn to have faith outside of dogma, doctrine, two-party political theater, constructs like the gender binary, or any other Should that does nothing but hinder the natural, fluid nature of a spiritual being having a human experience. What a joke!! To limit the limitless!! Talk about self-sabotage.

I will leave you with my favorite Bruce Lee monologue, which I listen to when I get all blocked up and forget to flow, or when someone else’s expectations of me tempt me to compartmentalize my multifacetedness. Fuck that. Be water, my friend.

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DARVO

DARVO is a manipulation tactic used by psychological abusers. It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. Once you unpack the patterns of one abusive person, it seems like they all operate from the same playbook—you start to see it everywhere. This isn’t just a pattern that plays out interpersonally, it can also be seen systemically and on a global scale. Imperialism, capitalism, and oppression of all kinds persist through these very same patterns and require very similar work to heal. The effects on the victims of this kind of control dynamic are familiar, if not identical, regardless of the context (whether micro or macrocosmic). 

Thanks to being raised by people who never learned to meet their own needs—who obtained love by force, coercion, and manipulation—my idea of love was intimately intertwined with abuse. I repeatedly and almost exclusively chose people who were volatile, selfish and treated me more like an accessory or an extension of them, instead of an individual with my own wants and needs. They saw my ability to love as a weakness to be exploited. And they did just that. Leaving these relationships always left me feeling confused, heartbroken, and like a shell of my former self, which was, tbh, a shell of a shell of a shell already. 

Extricating myself from these situations was usually harrowing, to say the least. I was met with smear campaigns, denial, deflection, gaslighting, anger… I had to lose everything, or almost everything, to get away. Whether I was discarded or walked away, the refusal of the other person to take any responsibility left me grappling with my sense of reality; wondering if I’d asked for it.

As I started to heal and research these types of dynamics, I started seeing the same patterns happening in the world politically. “History belongs to the victors” is a great example of DARVO. We see the past through the lens of the people with the power. It takes a concerted effort to look beneath the chosen narrative to see the truth. The state of the world, much of the generational wealth of the world, wars and genocide, and fascism, are founded on the mass marginalizing (aka systemic abuse) of communities of color, oppressed religions and cultures, queer people, disabled people, elderly people, children, and women. Anyone who wasn’t able to access power (decided by the people hoarding the power) was considered less than human. Part of the goal of propaganda is to dehumanize the “enemy,” so they become easier to kill.

The way we have been taught about protests, uprisings, revolutions, colonization, slavery across the ages, across the globe, and even genocide is rarely from the standpoint of the victims, but of the perpetrators. Even the way that the younger generations buy into conspiracy theories denying the holocaust is an example of the effectiveness of the DARVO technique. Or the way people back Israel’s genocidal narrative about Palestine without looking more deeply into the situation.  The lens of the white supremacist capitalist cisheteropatriarchy is thick. To see past it, you have to want to, you have to unpack it from moment to moment. It’s pervasive. It distorts everything. 

I was taught all through my public school education in Virginia that colonization was a good thing! That we owed industrialization and the “modern, civilized” world to the brave explorers who discovered land that already had people living on it, tending to it, with cultures rich with tradition, beliefs, and languages. We were taught that being colonized was good for them. Christian missionaries to this day think they’re really doing something good for humanity when they travel the world inflicting their belief system on people who didn’t ask for it. Erasing the humanity of someone is one of the worst things you can do to them—reducing them to property, to a problem, to a wayward soul to be saved. It’s fucked!!

“That didn’t happen. Or if it did happen you deserved it” is the mantra of DARVO. It protects perpetrators of harm from ever having to take responsibility. This is why healing from abuse is so often a solitary endeavor. Looking for closure or confirmation usually just ends up in more denial. Smear campaigns serve to cloud the waters, so it becomes difficult for people outside of the situation to be able to tell who’s causing harm. It serves to further isolate the victim and enable the perpetrator to access more energetic supply from people rallying to their side. Some people are prone to always align themselves with power. Others tend to gravitate to the underdog, intuiting when someone is being hurt. 

Getting away is a blessing, no matter how messy the way out is. Even if it means losing everyone. Even if it means you look like the bad guy. Unpacking and healing internalized biases that perpetuate harm to historically marginalized communities is loving work. It will only serve to liberate you, too. People obsessed with power benefit from others unable to see how they obtain and maintain that power. This white supremacist capitalist cisheteropatriarchal system rewards high conflict, selfish, low empathy people with status and money, enabling them to exploit and control to their ego’s content. 

A future where love is the law is available to us, only if we arm ourselves with knowledge—if we see the patterns and hone our discernment. Only if we learn to move differently than we’ve ever allowed ourselves to before. Let honesty, integrity, softness, empathy, and consideration lead the way. Things can be so much better—if we let it. 

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Remember Who You Are

I went to a healing workshop in Bushwick when I first moved to Brooklyn where the facilitator said “Healing isn’t about creating something new, it’s about uncovering what has always been there.” I’ve thought about it every day since. 

The prospect of healing can be so daunting when you’ve been through trauma and abuse. That’s why most people don’t do it. Wading through the shame and regret of moments when you didn’t know and couldn’t do better. Embarrassment about times when you weren’t your best. Grief at the time lost. Not to mention the PTSD, the fears and anxieties, the not knowing who you are. 

My safest caretaker when I was a child was overbearing, emotionally volatile, and deeply invested in a fantasy of who I would become. I learned to fawn, to submit, to be perfect, in order to receive her love and approval. Every ounce of autonomy or individuality I managed came hard-fought and with many consequences. The lack of safety didn’t always feel worth it—the emotional blackmail, the guilt. Every failure or fumble felt like a tragedy, like I could lose everything if I showed that I wasn’t perfect. I molded myself into who she wanted me to be, and I didn’t know how to be anything else. 

This pattern stuck as I moved into adult relationships. At work, in my friendships, and in my romantic relationships, I was accommodating and overgiving. I left my real self, including my needs, boundaries, and feelings at the door. I gave until I crumbled. I never had to really let anyone in. I protected my vulnerability by aggressively taking care of everyone. I grew resentful. I got my feelings hurt. Whenever I needed someone, I found myself handling it all alone. 

Every toxic relationship I’ve experienced (and there have unfortunately been many) was a carbon copy of the one I had with my grandmother. When they inevitably ended (thank god), I would be left not only heartbroken but as a shell of myself. I didn’t know how to function without an overbearing partner telling me who I was or chasing someone by making me who they wanted. I didn’t know what to do with myself if I didn’t have someone to take care of. The grief came with the realization that I had lost myself was soul-crushing. This is why, when I look back on my 36 years, I often feel like the happiest times in my life were times when I was single and with very few friends. They were the times I would do things alone, and spend my time on what I wanted to do. I would begin to uncover the me that has always been underneath the trauma. Because of the aching loneliness that would set in whenever I was alone too long, these glorious phases of self-discovery didn’t last. Luckily, the things I uncovered about myself tended to stick. Sometimes they were covered up again, but never as bad as they used to be. Nothing was beyond healing. I’ve come to learn that very little is. 

Over the last few years,  I ended another one of these cycles—one that has spanned my entire life. One of the most difficult I’ve ever experienced. One that snuck through the cracks of all my healing work. When I walked away, my confidence, my boundaries, my inner peace, my safety, my focused vision of what I wanted, all of it was gone. I was like a-not-caterpillar, a not-yet-a-butterfly pile of goo. I was in the purgatory stage, the void of this-thing-I-so-heavily-identified-with-was-gone-but-who-am-without-it. The sadness felt like it was going to swallow me whole. I had to deal with all the usual feelings of ending a toxic situation, plus I had to deal with the intense grief at realizing how much of myself I had lost. All that I had worked to uncover over the years felt lost to me. But then I remembered that all I had to do was remember who I was. 

I had already laid the groundwork, I knew how to heal. So I got to it. I talked it out with trusted loved ones. I made sense of it in my head. I felt my feelings all the way through. I wrote myself love notes. I took every compliment and word of affirmation given to me by someone outside myself to heart. I wrote them down. I read them again and again. I flowed away from anyone who didn’t seem to have a kind word. I learned to be drawn to reciprocal love. I restructured my life. I remembered the things I loved to do, the things that made me feel good. A newfound (though modest)  financial stability helped me acquire the resources I needed to tend to my physical health, to have the tools I need to make my art—which is a tremendous part of who I am—and something I went way too long without. I started learning to love life again. 

To be honest, after four years of starting this cycle of a lifelong wound, I’m still not all the way back. And that makes me really sad. But I know it’s a process, and after I reach equilibrium, I will no doubt face these wounds again, as I climb the healing spiral, knowing myself ever better, hopefully loving myself more and more.

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How to Heal from Betrayal

A betrayal wound is one of the most difficult to heal. It warps your reality and makes you doubt yourself. It’s embarrassing, which triggers shame. It makes it hard to trust, which makes intimacy in future connections terrifying. It’s what creates the vibe of always waiting for the other shoe to drop. That’s a heartbreaking way to live. 

Trusting someone and having that trust broken is just a motherfucker of a thing to get over—especially if you experienced betrayal in childhood. Trusting in the first place feels like a feat of strength in and of itself, because it is such a vulnerable thing to do. 

You should know that if you’ve ever trusted someone and they betrayed you, that does not make you foolish. That is no reason to beat yourself up. To be vulnerable is a strength, full stop. Discernment is another thing—it’s just a necessary tool that those of us who were raised by people who were not safe have to teach ourselves later on in life. Discernment is not a psychic power. It’s just knowing what you will and won’t tolerate, and paying attention to the red flags and patterns. Someone else’s decision to betray you 100% is On Them. 

Unrequited loyalty is a burden and a half. Being a loyal person and being attracted to people who aren’t capable of reciprocating is an isolating experience. If they’re malicious with it, or unable to take responsibility for it? That can be crazy-making. You can get to the point where you don’t even trust YOURSELF. 

So, how do you find your way back from betrayal? Well, to start, you put the responsibility of the betrayal on the person who did the betraying. If someone’s going to move through life like that, they are going to regardless of the actions, love, patience, worthiness, whatever, of the people they are going to leave behind in their path of destruction. It’s about them and their dysfunction. 

People who struggle with codependency often tend to take too much responsibility and people who tend to mistreat others tend to take too little. This creates an inner monologue of “What could I have done to prevent this?” Outside of having a stronger sense of discernment and paying closer attention to red flags, probably nothing. Hindsight is HD and all that. Take it as a lesson and move differently in the future. 

It is a strength to have grace for others, to be able to trust and to love wholeheartedly. Being able to give people the benefit of the doubt, to understand the whys of who they are is such a lovely way to show up in relationships. But sometimes the pendulum needs to swing a little the other way, and we need to learn to give those things to ourselves at least as much as we are willing to give them to others. And then take it one step further and make sure the people we let into our hearts are capable of reciprocating what we have to give. 

Betrayal causes a reality collapse, especially if there’s any amount of gaslighting involved. It can make you question your sanity. It is so important to get back in your body with your feet on the ground. Seeking out external help in getting clarity on the situation, whether through friends, a therapist, a spiritual practitioner, or a mentor. Anyone who is outside of the situation, who can see it clearly, is invaluable. 

Carrying yourself through the grief is crucial, as well. Betrayal comes with all the mourning of the end of a relationship, plus that gut-wrenching grief that comes from feeling like nothing about the relationship was real—that you aren’t even allowed to feel joy and reminisce in the happy times, because they were all based on lies. Let yourself feel that. It’s fucking sad!! Understand that relationships have lots of layers and if what you felt was real, that’s all that matters. Try to think of the ending as for you instead of to you. 

Sometimes it takes something big and terrible for the people involved to take the leap of walking away. Our suffering has to get to a point where we feel like we can’t take it anymore. Change is a lot! We have to be sure, especially before we really learn how to flow. What is meant for you will never pass you by, so if something is passing, try to let it go. If someone can’t love you and honor your loyalty, you’re probably better off without them. 

Part of the beauty of destined goodbyes is the inevitable glow-up that follows. Allow yourself to flourish, to feel the absence of something that was weighing your spirit down. Feel this without guilt or regret. Just be in your new life, free to find souls aligned with your generous spirit. Expand, fill your cup with your own love. One day you’ll look back at the betrayal and, even though you might not be able to imagine it now, you’ll say “thank god.” 

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How to Stop Overthinking

Overthinking comes from our evolutionary impulse to recognize patterns. Our ancestors benefited from tracking their environment—prey and predators, weather—it’s basically a natural predilection for vibe checks. This natural tool for survival turns into a kind of toxic constant vigilance when combined with childhood trauma. When everything is a threat, it becomes difficult to differentiate when to run, when to fight, when to freeze, or when to fawn. We become used to being in a state of hyperarousal. We scan everyone around us (especially any unstable caregivers) for danger, never knowing stability, always trying to anticipate how safe we are. Once we escape the instability, our brains have a hard time learning how to relax. That’s kind of what trauma is; the body and mind don't understand when the danger is no longer present. It runs itself ragged, not understanding it’s jumping at its own shadow. Often, we find ourselves repeating patterns that are very similar to what we went through in childhood. We haven’t yet created an environment where we can begin to learn how to relax. 

Overthinking can be torturous. I used to have moments before I started healing where I would break down crying because of how sick of myself I was. I couldn’t sleep because of my brain’s incessant thinking. I was exhausted. I felt like if I had to live in this hell for the rest of my life, I didn’t know how long I could stand it. So I decided to figure out how to get out of my head. 

I dove into self-help books and YouTube channels, therapy, spirituality, tarot, and meditation. I started taking loooonnnng walks outside. I started following my intuition. I started teaching myself to take action. 

It helped to find spaces to emotionally dump and unload the thinking spirals. I needed a safe space, a nonjudgmental space, and a place to go where I could do no damage by speaking what was going through my mind. My journal was the first place I felt comfortable. I have journals on journals full of pages on pages of spiraling thoughts, fears, anxieties, patterns, and my deepest, darkest self-hating beliefs. When I go back and read, everything is so clear, but at the time, when I was just putting pen to paper, I had no idea. 

Next, I went to therapy. This was revolutionary. Having someone there to witness my patterns and spirals, to point out the things I was missing, to mirror empathy back to me, and to give me the tools to move in a more positive direction changed my entire life. My healing started happening more quickly. The realizations were coming from every direction. I sobbed through every session, sometimes through the week following, but eventually, I started to feel lighter. I was starting to feel my brain slow down. I was starting to feel unburdened by my trauma. 

My spirituality was unfolding simultaneously with the journaling and therapy—and once therapy ended, it carried me through. The self-reflecting nature of tarot, my connection with my spiritual guides through meditation, and my connection with nature helped regulate me even further. 

I remember getting a tarot reading from a friend who told me that I needed to work on my solar plexus chakra because I didn’t know how to take action. That was way harsh, Tai. But 100% true. I was blocked from being able to take action on anything. The merry-go-round of overthinking was too overwhelming. I had what is called analysis paralysis. Even the thought of action would trigger my imposter syndrome, my self-doubt, all the horrible things that people had said to me in childhood, and all the different scenarios of how things could go wrong. I had interpreted the unstable patterns I saw in childhood and projected them onto my adult experiences, making even the most positive situations terrifying and overwhelming. 

With every uncovered wound, the most amazing thing started happening. I started being able to take action, to put myself out there, to let myself have things I wanted. My life started shifting in the most beautiful ways. There was still grief, pain, and failure, but the shame that usually came with those emotions was abating. It made my energy feel even lighter as I moved through my life. 

These days, after a little more than a decade at this work, I still find myself overthinking when I get triggered or overwhelmed. The difference now is that, because it isn’t my constant state of being, I recognize that it’s happening. I have an entire tool kit of self-care that helps me get myself regulated. I have built a support system of people I can reach out to. 

Stopping yourself from overthinking is a liberating gift to give yourself. It can help you learn how to feel safe, how to feel stable, how to know what you want, know yourself, and take action toward your goals. It helps you parse out how you ACTUALLY feel from how you’ve been conditioned to feel. It makes life feel neutral at worst and like a daydream at best. It frees you from feeling like your patterns are happening to you because you are choosing new patterns. It helps you remember who you are. It helps you see that you are in charge of your life. And that changes everything.

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Notice

I get a lot of guidance when I’m on my yoga mat. The combination of presence and relaxation and movement really puts me in an open state; a quiet mind leaves room for my higher self to come in. You could call your higher self anything— God, the Universe, clarity, whatever. It all applies. A couple weeks ago, in the middle of a stretch, I heard “notice.” 

It was a reminder to notice the stretch in my body, notice how it felt after I released it. To take a moment to feel the elongation, the blood flowing, the energy release. But also to notice myself, my vibe, my thoughts, my feelings, my mental state. 

I first learned this lesson in a yoga class at the LGBT center in Norfolk, Virginia 10 years ago. This wonderful light of a person taught free classes there on Monday evenings. He used to say “notice how it feels in your body” between every stretch. And it unlocked so much for me. 

When you experience trauma, especially at a young age, you become separated from your body. It’s why modalities that include somatic healing are so powerful. To put your consciousness back in your body is empowering, it’s grounding, it brings you to life. 

Remembering to Notice these past few weeks has shifted my awareness yet again. I’ve been noticing how good working out feels, and how necessary my hour of stretching in the morning is for my holistic health. I’ve been noticing how certain connections resonate (or don’t). I’ve been reminded to tune into the tuning fork of my body to connect to the frequency of everything. It’s made all the difference. 

All the things I love doing, but which take a concerted effort—discipline, concentration, motivation— to do every day, have stopped feeling like chores. They’ve started feeling like gratitude. And isn’t that amazing?! 

I’ve been walking through all my tasks and chores and jobs with a lightness that makes them feel easy. This is a feeling I have accessed before, but noticing—really stopping to notice— how they feel in my body makes me want to return to them again and again. It also makes resting blissful. I don’t need as much rest as I used to, because the rest I am getting is high quality. I also take care of myself in such a multitude of ways, that rest has become built into my work days. But that has taken time. It also has taken a shift in perspective.

Thinking “I get to” instead of “I HAVE to” has created the shift that has stepped my pussy up in a big way. Especially because I remember what it’s like to Not get to. 

Noticing is a gateway to presence. Think of being in nature—noticing the beauty around you gives way to awe, which always gives way to gratitude. And gratitude is the highest vibration. Gratitude is an overflowing cup, it just aligns you with more gratitude, which helps you accentuate the positive, which quiets the negative thought-spiraling mind. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Before you know it, life starts feeling more gentle, more supportive, and less antagonistic. 

Start small. Start with a moment. Noticing something beautiful. Noticing when you’re happy, when a bite of food is extra delicious. A deep breath. A good vibe. Then expand that out, until you embody presence, until every moment is a meditation. Until you just Are. 

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We Are Our Actions

The thing about the healing spiral is that from a certain vantage point, you start to be able to understand where everyone is coming from. You understand the patterns, the whys and the hows, the intentions, and the pure, loving soul beneath. This level of awareness is dangerous to attempt to force before you’re ready, though—before you’re ready, the difference between intention and action is too murky to navigate. It can keep you from upholding the boundaries of distance. It can keep you from healing. 

Because of the nature of toxic relationships— the denial, the deflection, the gaslighting— it can be tough to respond to people’s actions as opposed to their words. 

Before my healing, I took everyone at face value. That’s not even completely accurate. I took everyone at the core of them that I could sense underneath. The loving spirit, the glowing potential. They could look me in the eye and say “I am a terrible person” with the kind of conviction that would make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and I would reassure them that they weren’t, even as they were stabbing me in the back. It took me years sometimes to see the truth of someone’s actions—to understand that just because I could intuit why someone was behaving in a way that was causing me harm, didn’t mean I had to put up with it. 

When I think of the people who have pulled away from me, those who were hurt by my lack of ability to receive love, my attraction and devotion, and my prioritization of less healthy people over them, I get it. I know my intentions. I know I was doing my best. I know the way my traumas influenced my choices, and that I was operating from a dysfunctional place. I was in incredible pain. I was barely surviving. I couldn’t always think my decisions all the way through. I was so dissociated and so sure that I was inconsequential that I didn’t even realize anyone noticed what I was doing, that anyone cared. I was asleep at the wheel. I know, after so much self-reflection and radical self-acceptance that my intentions didn’t matter, the ways I was struggling didn’t matter, my actions did. And that’s what I have to live with. 

Holding someone accountable for their actions is not the same thing as holding a grudge. It’s a logical, necessary, and self-loving thing. It’s none of your business, really, if someone has changed. If you choose to maintain your distance because of things done in the past, if you have no interest in checking if the person has changed and would do better by you, if you are sure they haven’t, it’s ok to stay away. It’s ok to protect your peace. 

Our actions are our responsibility. Once you start to heal, you become more conscious of your actions. You move more carefully through life, or maybe a better way to say it is that you move with more care. You think your actions through, you soothe the meltdown-having-triggered inner child, and you respond instead of reacting. Your best gets better and better. 

You can see your past actions with the HD vision of hindsight, of knowing better. You can hold space for the wounded you, without excusing or deflecting responsibility for your actions. And this leads to more compassion for those that have wronged you. This helps you release resentment. This helps you let go. This helps you understand why someone you hurt might be lost to you, and, while you wish you could show them your growth, you know you’re not entitled to that. 

Get your words, intentions, and actions in alignment. Speak carefully, move lovingly, and consider the marks you’re leaving. Are they kisses or scars? Become a person of integrity. Say what you mean, and walk your talk. After all, we are our actions. 

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Healing is a Miracle

There is this liminal space between the old leaving and the new coming in that seems to go on forever. I guess that’s kind of the nature of liminal spaces. It’s so painful, the void. It makes you question everything—was it all worth it? Am I always going to be alone? Am I unlovable in my authenticity? Is my truth too much of a burden? Is the purgatory of the dark night of the soul the healing spirit’s final destination? Is seeing things as they are too much to carry? There’s no going back, but do I have to keep going?

You do. You should. 

I love the adage “You never have time to do it right, but you always have time to do it over.” Rebuilding the correct way takes time. It takes patience. Honing discernment is a training ground fraught with barbs and backslides. You will make the wrong choice (although wrong is relative—if you learned from it, can it really be wrong?) waaaay after you thought you’ve figured it allll out. But one day, after learning to take this life day-by-day, forgetting to look up once in a while to see the bigger picture, you will stop to notice your progress, and you will see a gentle life you don’t recognize. You will think I know I built this with my own two hands, but it feels like it just happened. It feels like a miracle. 

And it will be. A miracle of your own resilience, your own tender heart, your own strength and courage. It will be a gift your past self left for you when they had next to nothing to give. It will be a gift your current self is refining for the future you to receive with awe, what did I do to deserve this? You healed. You chose you. You grew towards the light, you trimmed your dead leaves, you uprooted and moved on. You looked in the mirror, honest and raw, and saw the ways you could become softer, and did. Though everything you experienced told you harder and more numb was the only way to make it through, you felt it all and then some. You surrendered. You found gratitude at every wrong turn and torn-open wound. You endured every failure, betrayal, and ending with grace. Your wins only made you more humble. You embodied your purpose. You became of service. You radiated the frequency of love. You left fertile ground for others, even those who cursed your name and watched from the shadows rooting for your downfall, you did it for them, too. Knowing the world will only shift for good when we all heal. 

The blessings will start as a trickle, barely felt. Maybe they’ll be conditional—good with an expiration date, simply a glimpse of the good to come, but not yet, not yet. Then a drizzle, a brook, a stream, a rainstorm, a flood, a tidal wave. The good comes one day, in a way that leaves you overwhelmed. Is this good?!? Could it really be this good?!? It can, it is, you were there when you created it, step by grueling step. 

It’s not that there won’t be bad days, wounds triggered, heartbreaks and losses—but when they come they wash over you, like waves on the shore. You will feel your feelings, all the way through. You won’t have to search for the silver lining. You won’t have to burn it all to the ground, anymore because all that you have created will be yours. Will be true. Will be made from love. You will feel righteous in your boundaries and solid in your self-love. Your inner child won’t need tantrums, because you keep them safe.

If you’re in the thick of it, if you only see everything going but nothing coming in, if you wonder if you’ll ever feel safe or stable or like you’re living a life you love, take it from me, you will. I lived so long in that liminal space. Some days, I feel like they’re barely behind me. And I can assure you, from the depths of my soul, it will get better. It probably already has. When I started my healing journey, my only goal was I just want to feel better. And I do and I have, every day, a little better. If that’s all you have, cling to that. That’s beautiful. To feel better? That’s a miracle.

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A Daily Practice

It is so synchronistic that this week's blog/podcast episode is about the power of a daily practice, because I have never been more grateful for mine. 

Something happened this week that I’m not ready to go into specifics about yet, but I will say that it triggered me in about 100 different ways. It’s one of those sudden tragedies that would throw even the most well-adjusted person for a loop. Thankfully, I have been riding the waves of grief like a pro surfer and I am so unbelievably grateful to have taught myself how to do that. 

There was a time, at the very beginning of my healing journey, when getting triggered could knock me on my ass for weeks, if not months! It would derail any progress, bring forth those dreaded default settings, and unravel any good habits I had worked so hard to establish. I would have to isolate, hibernate, and melt into the goo of my emotional chrysalis. It was all I could do just to process. 

I talk in the podcast about a metaphor I often utilize to describe the feeling of traveling through life pre-healing and it’s one I stole from vampire lore. There are some vampire stories that speak about vampires being able to turn themselves into a mist, in order to move in and out of spaces undetected. That was me, in the before-times—a mist. 

Organization was not an option. Focus was accessible to me, but only in extreme amounts. It was either 12 hours on a task, resisting stopping to even eat or sleep, or nothing for months and months. My extreme executive dysfunction and struggles with linear time (lol) were a constant source of frustration within myself and for the people around me. 

Like so many intuitive decisions that the universe has inspired in my life, I didn’t initially realize I was beginning a daily practice. I just gravitated towards what made me feel better; lighting a candle, writing in my journal, pulling a tarot card, and prayers of gratitude. After a couple of years, I added stretching and eventually (after a lengthy struggle) work. But it was a long process of streamlining and organizing. As always, a balanced marriage of the spiritual and practical was what served me best. But that is much easier said than done. 

When I received the news this weekend, I braced myself to fall apart. But when I woke up Monday morning, all I needed was a good, hard 15-minute cry. I let it all out, then let my body move me through the steps of my daily practice. Waking the dog, breakfast, yoga and meditation, rehearsal, work. The steps are as autonomic, at this point, as breathing. All the self-care I need is built into my schedule. I don’t need to disperse into a mist or fall to pieces, I am tethered to the earth by my daily practice. It nurtures me, it protects me, it reminds me how I heal. I don’t have to build anything or tear it apart, all I have to do is step into the flow, and there it is. There I am, on my way to the other side of this moment, this wave of emotion, this way of being.

A daily practice is a foundation you can build on. It’s a holy offering to the altar of yourself. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. It channels your energy into an arrow of manifestation, aiming right for the bullseye of the life of your dreams. 

My daily practice is my sanctuary. I didn’t realize how committed I was to it until this week—a week I would have barely made it through—even a year ago. I am full of gratitude for past me, for putting each brick into place, removing and replacing the faulty ones, escalating on the healing spiral, revising and revisiting and facing my faults, mistakes, and struggles, and accommodating my needs and difficulties. For doing The Work, which now allows me to live; in my truth, attuned to the vibration of love, in healing, allowing me to know that I can carry myself through anything. Blessed be. 

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A Sense of Self

Developing a strong sense of self is a crucial step on the path to recovery. Getting familiar with who you are over the course of a lifetime is the whole point of coming here as a soul and manifesting in the physical. Unfortunately, the limiting and conformity-demanding system we have all been forced into and the ways that those programs play out in our families of origin make that process an uphill battle. 

Most people’s parents create them with a set of impossible-to-meet expectations about who they will be. Then, we all spent a significant portion of our lives attempting to live up to these expectations. It’s painful, it’s futile, and it’s not fucking fair. One of the more difficult parts of developing a sense of self is learning how to disappoint people. Difficult, but necessary. After all, you aren’t responsible for someone else’s unrealistic expectations. 

This pattern of creating a false—or at least compartmentalized—version of yourself that will help you acquire someone else’s (conditional) love verbally trickles down into adult relationships. 

Having a strong sense of self makes having boundaries easy—you know what your core values are so you don’t waffle on them, you know how to listen to your intuition which empowers your discernment, and you don’t second guess when someone has a bad vibe or can’t respect a boundary. Having a strong sense of self also helps you own your shit because you are well aware of your shortcomings, and can give yourself grace when you slip up. You can apologize and do better without having to navigate the emotional quicksand of shame. Knowing who you are becomes a cloak of protection. Manipulative people won’t waste their time on you, your authenticity attracts only people who can meet you where you are. 

I struggled with having a sense of self my entire life. I started out totally unaware that there was anything wrong with me and proceeded to get repeatedly and unkindly rejected by my peers and my family of origin alike. I got the message that I was at once too much and not enough very early on, and being someone who takes criticism well, I got to work. The first issue of business was to be less bossy, less angry, and to take up less space. I tempered my “smart ass mouth” and started wishing my powerful, strong, chubby little body away. I embraced hunger, acquiescence, invisibility. Not being seen became my safe haven, my comfort zone. I became less wild, less free, and less me. 

Everyone knew me as sweet. I hardly ever spoke. I lost my funny, my brave, my tough cookie, my take-no-shit, my truth. I let other people tell me who I was because I had forgotten.I had stuffed so much of me beneath the surface. I felt lonely everywhere I went, even surrounded by people. I knew people loved me, certain people who, because of their intuitive nature and our resonant frequencies, but I couldn’t take it all the way in. I hated the body I lived in, I hated the mind I felt trapped in, I was resentful and terrified and numb to the grief I desperately needed to start feeling. 

Eventually, the pain became so big, I cracked open. And what came out, was authentic. It was so scary because the people I had let close to me had become accustomed to a version of me that wasn’t real. It was part of me, but it wasn’t the totality of me. They felt lied to, they felt shocked at my unfolding. My growth became a betrayal. It became “go back to how you were or I won’t love you anymore.” It was my worst fear realized. The real me wasn’t lovable. 

But something then something surprising happened. In the absence of the expectations of others, I was left with myself. I found what I liked, I took myself on dates, I convened with my inner child. I reflected on my patterns, my dependencies, my strengths. I became my own priority, my own best friend. I fell in love with myself and my journey. This empowered me to make choices for my life from an internal place. I came out, I laid boundaries, I started understanding my power.

Moving through life with a strong sense of self has been the best tool I have in my spiritual tool belt. It’s where everything starts—confidence, discipline, recovery, relationships. It has become a protective and guiding force, ensuring that all my close relationships are grounded in authenticity and respect. There is no gossip or eggshell walking. It’s just all love all the time. And it starts and spirals out from me. And that’s unshakable.

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Me vs We

I write a lot about codependency. It’s been such a struggle in my life. Growing up with emotionally immature caregivers—many of whom struggled with addiction— trained me early. My sense of self has been something I’ve had to work very hard to uncover. It was buried deep.

I was reluctant to get close to people for a long time, but that led to such deep loneliness and longing that once I managed to get someone to stick around for more than a minute, I became desperate to keep them. I would shove myself into the tiniest places, bend over backward, leave my Self in the dust, just to experience a glimmer of what it felt like to be loved. Who could blame me?! I was starved!

But it didn’t work. Eventually, the real me would rear its autonomous big-haired head, and I would start to crave freedom. There was this confusing dichotomy going on inside me where I was obsessed with love, I was sure it would fix everything, but once I got it, I couldn’t wait to get away from it. I have come to recognize that as an anxious-avoidant attachment style.

I was raised in such a way that I was either being smothered, neglected, or abused, there was no in-between. This made it extremely difficult to actually get my needs met.

Me vs We is the balance between the self and the other. This should be a balance that comes relatively naturally when someone experiences healthy attachments as a child. This means their parents were attentive, but not overbearing. This creates confidence in the child that allows them to be interdependent. I’ve seen it in children I’ve nannied. They go and play and explore and attempt to make friends and try things, and then when they get overwhelmed, they come and check-in. Then, they get some love until they feel better and then go merrily on their way. But, for many reasons, most children (aka future adults) don’t experience this.

Maybe their caregiver was enmeshed with them and took their individuation personally, infantilizing them and leaning too much on them, creating a bond that would disempower their child from individuating from them. Maybe they were emotionally distant, neglectful, or downright abusive, cultivating a “running” impulse later on. Any dysfunction tends to lead to problems in relationships in adulthood. Someone who grew up as their parent’s Emotional Support Child will probably either end up extremely avoidant, feeling that love and connection are burdens, a people-pleaser with poor boundaries, or some confusing combination of the two.

Interdependence is when a person knows that, truly, no man is an island. No one gets where they’re going on their own. Family, community, and partnership, it’s all just as important as one’s relationship with oneself. All of these connections require boundaries, forgiveness, and vulnerability to be healthy, stable, and sustainable. They require a balance of me and we.

The balance of give and take can be a difficult one to maintain in a societal program that sustains itself on exploitation. We are literally conditioned to give until we have nothing. Work takes precedence over all things, even our own well-being; and we are taught that consumerism is our only solace in this terrible, stressful, disconnected world.

So, how do we first achieve, and then maintain balance between ourselves and others?

I don’t know, I’m still working it out lol

I think we get there by internalizing the fact that all people need love. It is not a sign of weakness to crave connection. It’s entirely natural. Humans, like all other primates, have always been communal beings. Our social lives are important to our survival. Next, understand and believe that everyone is inherently worthy of love. Everyone deserves to be seen and understood. Everyone deserves to have good quality friends and partners to rely on. Everyone deserves to be cared for and respected. No, nothing you went through makes you the exception. Everyone is worthy of love. Just by the sheer act of existing. After that, it’s about pouring into that cup of yours.

Assess relationships past, present, and visualize those of the future. What patterns do you tend to play out again and again? Where do you overgive? Where have you taken too much? Where were you afraid to love or be loved? We all tend to play different roles in different relationships. Each connection causes different wounds and facets of ourselves to flare up. Take stock. Be honest. Do it with compassionate clarity. You don’t need to judge yourself or feel shame through this process, you are simply teaching yourself something new.

Next, figure out your boundaries, and learn how to be honest about them (with yourself and others). Practice with the people you feel the safest with. Sometimes it will not go well and that will be hard. Sometimes people who aren’t used to you standing up for yourself will be able to get used to it, sometimes they won’t. Try to be discerning about who resists this self-loving endeavor. Try to figure out why they might. Exert more energy on the connections that receive your vulnerability and communication with love and gratitude. Go where your grass is watered.

After that, it’s about learning how to self-soothe when the people you love lay boundaries with you. If the ego gets triggered or some abandonment issues rear their head, learn to sit with the feelings of discomfort. Reassure yourself if you can. Ask for reassurance from your loved one if you need it. Reassure them back.

Mastering the Me vs We axis is an exercise in radical self-acceptance. It’s about surrendering to the process. It’s about the humility of starting out every day as a novice—of self, of others, of life. Embrace the mess, the heartache, the frustration, the fears, the mending, the heart-to-heart honest-to-goodness love that washes over you.

Real love will never ask you to sacrifice yourself for the sake of the relationship. Remember, like Dr. Maya Angelou said, “love liberates, it doesn’t bind.” Choose love you feel free in, love others in a way that makes them feel free, too.

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Looking Back to See What’s Coming

As I get older, I am stepping into this profound gratitude that I have so much life to look back on.

Once, when I was a kid, I was skipping through a shopping center backward at full speed. I rammed into a brick column and stumbled back, dazed, before bursting into tears. It took my breath away! That’s how my twenties felt. I was skipping backward through life, running into brick column after brick column. I can’t blame myself for not knowing what I was doing, it was my first time being an adult, after all!!! All I had to look back on was my childhood, and that was no walk in the park, pretty much everything I learned there needed to be unlearned by the time I reached my late 20s and my Saturn Return. But now? Now, at 35, almost 36 (Happy Libra Season!!) when I look back at the previous cycle I see an adult. A full-grown person! And I can remember everything I went through, I can remember making conscious choices to go to therapy, or end a relationship, or move somewhere new. Life was no longer just happening to me, I felt like an active participant.

When I look back on the past, I see my patterns so clearly. I see how they were reflections of the patterns that were passed down to me by my family of origin. I see how much we all were suffering. But I see the good patterns, as well. Being able to hold space for the duality of a situation is a sign of maturity, I have come to learn that too.

When I look at the present, I see every choice I made back then meeting the consequence of the Now. Some exciting, some less than desirable. Seeing the fruition makes me more discerning with my current choices. I know there will be culmination, I have seen the proof, myself. I am happy with most of my choices, but it wasn’t a flawless ride, by any means.

When I look into the future, I am not afraid. I feel like I have a good sense of what’s in store, because I choose every day with love, discipline, and focus. Even when I rest it’s focused. I know my wounds as intimately as I know my strengths, I hold both in very high regard. I understand what an exercise in humility healing is, and I trust my own resilience. I fully know how little I actually know, so I don’t require any ego-shattering experiences like I used to, but if one should come, I will understand that it’s for my highest good. I can look back at every redirection, failure, block, heartbreak, illness, and all the other life-altering experiences and see the way they ebb and flow; the same lesson in a different box. I am always down to learn it again.

Settling down into the groove of healing is just a commitment to surrender. Fear of change, your own expansion, or the growth of someone you love is normal, but it is meant to be faced and overcome. Look at how many yous you’ve been! Look at all you’ve let go before! Some things have gone, probably, yes, that is as it should be. But look at the things that stayed!! Are they not beautiful? Are they not bountiful? Are they not sacred? Are they not the most honest reflections of the true you?

What a blessing it is to have lived and learned and loved so much, and to be able to keep doing so. When I was young, I used to look at certain older people and marvel at their nonchalant wisdom, their vast database of experience, the total comfort of their souls in their bodies, and the richness of a life lived.

Looking back isn’t a weakness, though it’s important to keep nostalgia, that tricky little devil, in check. Looking back at your experiences is like picking up the breadcrumbs you left behind so you could find your way back to yourself. The Universe sets us up with repeated cycles on the spiral of life. You might revisit the same core wounds for the rest of your days. They aren’t meant to be “gotten over” and then left behind, never to be heard from again. That’s just avoidance masquerading as moving on. They are meant to show you where you need the most patience, the most kindness, the most compassion. They are there to help you uncover, recover, become what you have always been. An infinite reservoir of love. A living being. The Universe, knowing itself.

Stand with your feet firmly planted in the present. Make every decision, knowing that your future self is watching you with gratitude for how well you’re preparing life for them. Be confident in your ability to create a life you love. Look into the future with excitement more than trepidation. Things can change so quickly and in such magical ways. Look back into the past, not with shame or criticism, look back with gratitude for all that you’ve endured. See your challenges as a classroom, see both your wins and your losses, alike, as information. See each experience as a story you’ll one day tell some young person, who’s marveling at your well-lived life.

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The Pause

Inhale like a wave called home,

clinging to the shore,

but still,

going.

Muscle fibers woven in between rib bones

lift

like butterfly wings to make room for

air.

Bubble gum lungs fill up! up! up! and!!!

Pause.

Feel the fullness.

Expansion.

Living awareness.

Energy,

that great

pulsing

frequency of

life.

Exhale, like waves on a shore.

A crash or a tickle.

A release of tension.

A surrender of the belly

like a body roll

top first, then down

down, down until

empty.

And then?

Begin again.

There is a frailty to being human that we are conditioned to try to overcome. This futile effort puts humility and gratitude on the back burner while force and ego take center stage. When did we start expecting the impossible from ourselves? Who was it that taught you that you were always expected to ignore the softness of your body; that it was a virtue to ignore the sacred call of rest, of balance? Who was it that first punished you for “falling short?” 

I’m in a flare-up right now from a little bit of stress, PMS, and poor sleep three too many nights in a row. It’s thrown off everything!! My perfectly and well-thought-out calendar filled to the brim with work, my daily workout and meditation practice, my ability to focus, my patience with everything (including myself), it all crumbled.

Last week, though?? Last week was a flawless week. I checked every single thing off my to-do list, every single day. I worked out harder than I’ve been able to in years, my meditations were deep and fruitful and my work flowed like breathing. I was able to breathe into The Pause with blissful ease.

Last week I made the fatal mistake of believing this is it!!! This is my life now!! Gone are the days of being bedridden, gone are the days of distraction and that chronic case of the grumpies!!! I’m cured!!!!!! I have the energy and organization to accomplish everything!!! This is a sustainable and achievable goal!!!!!!!!!

This week, it’s the bizarro version of that. I am in the foulest mood. I can’t think straight. There were fireworks late last night and I overslept this morning. I fell while rehearsing and made my already sore, tight, and crampy body even more sore, tight, and crampy. I kept dropping things (my phone, a drink, various snacks, my soap and razor in the shower), I’m bloated and my heart isn’t in literally anything I requested I get done in the bright, delusional sunshine of last week. My brain keeps spiraling this is it, I’m sick now, and I’m never going to be able to work again. Everything will fail because I am Not Capable of functioning. I am never going to thrive. Life, the world, the universe, MY MISBEHAVING DOG are against me. Things are never gonna be good again. This is my life now. 

Here I go forgetting the illusion of permanence, that This Too Shall Pass. Here I go forgetting that every day is a clean slate, and the energy is new every day. Here I go forgetting about the importance of The Pause. 

The Pause is what I call the space between the inhale and the exhale of the breath. It’s also the nickname I give the rest, recovery, burnout, sickness/flare-up, and/or life circumstance that forces me to lay the fuck down once in a while. It’s that diffuse state of learning where you walk away from the active practice of learning in order for your brain to integrate the information. It’s crucial, it’s natural, it’s a gift. 

Going through an experience that requires you to prioritize rest–whether it’s chronic illness, injury, losing a job, depression, etc etc–assures that you get well acquainted with pausing. If you can unpack that capitalist nonsense that says we should always push ourselves to work harder, and that it’s admirable to be able to overcome our bodies’ needs, humility blooms. Grace towards yourself and others starts to occur to you. You no longer flip out when someone needs to cancel plans, you don’t force yourself to do things you aren’t up for. Your self-care game elevates. Your boundaries become iron-clad. All from learning to embrace The Pause. 

Hindsight being 20/20 and all that, it’s much easier to look upon the past and see the moments where a pause we were resisting actually ended up serving us. So let this be a reminder to you, in moments where you are struggling with the fallibility of being human.

The Pause is the fuel station of your energy, inspiration, productivity, and grand plans. The pause is the place where you recalibrate between one growth cycle and the next. It’s that astral corridor you stand in between one door closing and another one opening. It’s a temple, it’s presence, it’s where you hear the voice of the universe. It’s loving awareness. Without it, you’d just go and go and go, never stopping to take a shit or smell the roses. 

I know this. I just recorded an episode on this lmao. And still… this week… I struggled. So lemme go take my own advice and get back in bed, allow this day to pass with as little resistance as possible, reminding myself to stay thankful for The Pause.

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The Paradox of Tolerance

image from @mattxiv on Instagram

A double standard is a tricky thing to navigate. It’s like how young girls are tasked with maintaining their virtue while “boys will be boys.” It’s how the poor receiving government assistance are “shirking the system” while the banks receive bailout after bailout and nobody bats an eye. It’s injustice incarnate. It’s the kind of thing that makes my inner child want to stomp their lil foot and shout THAT’S NOT FAIR!!!!

Philosopher Karl Popper spoke about the Paradox of Intolerance, making the point that “unlimited tolerance will lead to the disappearance of tolerance.” And we see it happening around us every day.

On a political level, it’s “news” outlets providing coverage of leftist protests against fascism and actual terrorism by actual fascists as “two sides of the issue.” It’s giving bigoted election fraudsters a platform. Twice. It’s alpha male grifters making millions by doing misogyny on social media sites, which are mining our attention and obliterating our ability to critically think, but activists receiving death threats for talking about how a piece of media could have better representation. It’s debate bros in the comments section with no stake in the game, playing devil’s advocate against someone just expressing their right to exist. We are swirling around the paradox like a turd that just got flushed down the toilet.

The tolerant left, the neo-liberal/center of the political spectrum prides itself on its lack of integrity. “I don’t need to get angry, I’m better than that.” And therein lies the tolerance. We’re not talking about “tolerating” marginalized people by improving the way the world treats them, we’re talking “tolerating” intolerant people. Bigoted people. Difficult people.

Picture it, pussycat. A holiday is approaching and the whole family is planning on getting together. Your “tolerant” mom pulls you aside and asks you not to bring up politics because it might upset your conservative uncle and make things awkward. This is the uncle who shouts his shitty opinions from the rooftops; who misgenders you, or disrespects your partner, or believes the earth is fucking flat and Don*ld Tr*mp is here to save the children from alien sex offenders, or all of the above and then some. But you must be tolerant of his intolerance because “we are tolerant people.” If you do choose to let your feelings be known and things get heated, you get in trouble for '“being divisive.” Does anyone correct or reprimand him? Usually not.

The Paradox of Tolerance.

I’ve also seen this play out interpersonally. The double standard that occurs in almost all abusive relationships is a perfect example. The person who controls the relationship expects to be able to yell, leave, cheat, lie, manipulate, triangulate, gossip, use, steal, and all manner of other bad behavior while suffering few-to-no consequences. They expect the people who care about them to stick around, to have the patience of a God, to have impenetrable feelings, to never know better, to never love themselves more. After years of putting up with mistreatment, maybe one day, someone lays a boundary or calls them out in some way. Suddenly that person is the devil, It doesn’t matter what nice things the toxic person thought and/or said about their friend/partner/whatever moments before— they deserve it, now. They committed the cardinal sin, they stood up for themselves.

I always find it funny how the meanest people are also the most sensitive. They will tell you you need to learn how to take a joke as they widdle you down to nothing, but if you say something innocuous that could be taken offensively by them, it’s over for you! Here comes the smear campaign!

There is this sentiment that doesn’t sound right until you’ve done a fair bit of healing. “We teach people how to treat us.” Sometimes people get triggered and defensive at that statement, taking it to mean that the abuse they endured was their own fault; like they deserved it or something. But really, healthy people don’t fall for the abuser’s game. They might give them a chance and start to get to know them, but after they drop a few red flags, the healthy person will pull away. It’s not about deserving, it really isn’t. It’s about having boundaries. It’s about no longer putting up with mistreatment because you’re afraid to be alone. It’s about not continuously breaking your back to prove yourself and your love to someone who has a vested interest in always moving the finish live. It’s about not tolerating intolerance.

At the end of all my abusive relationships, after the love bombing had long stopped, I always started to wonder does this person even like me. Not because of insecurity or self-worth issues, but because they were constantly criticizing my every move. They would make fun of my ideas, they would critique my jobs, and belittle my spirituality. They would act like spending time with me was a huge burden. But then, when I would finally work up the courage to end things, here they would come acting like I’m taking the best thing that’s ever happened to them. They would fight and (sometimes) stalk and send their flying monkeys after me and I would always be shocked! SHOCKED!! Why are they trying to make it so difficult for me to walk away? They don’t even like me!!

Well, that’s because it was more about losing than it was about losing me.

They weren’t used to consequences.

In our sweep-everything-under-the-rug-codependent-ass-society, we are conditioned to always cater to the most difficult person in the room. That’s why the most difficult people in the world are in charge of everything. But remember, consequences are good actually. They may act like you’re literally torturing them to death (/drama) but a boundary is an act of vulnerability—an act of love. Give the difficult person you love the gift of no longer tolerating their intolerance. Maybe the discomfort of receiving that boundary will give them the pressure they need to change. At the very least, you’ll set yourself free.

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