Walk On Podcast Episode 58 : Block, Delete, Unfriend, Unfollow
The internet has brought us a very shallow kind of immortality. Nothing you post is ever really deleted, but if this cyber world ever crashes, every photo, memory, quip, work of digital art will cease to exist. It’s a hologram within a hologram. It’s a metaphor. It’s a poem. It’s a habit, an addiction, a lifeline, a community. It’s beautiful, it’s terrible, and for now, it’s here to stay.
I’m a big proponent of mindfulness. At its most basic form that means doing life thoughtfully. Being conscious of all of the decisions you make. That means trying not to engage in behavior that is motivated unconsciously or subconsciously. This is why I don’t engage with toxic people, this is why I no longer have casual sex, this is why I will never get drunk ever again. All of these behaviors at one point did serve me—at least in the sense that they helped me survive some very rough moments in my life. They also showed me my wounds—the Rock Bottom of all of them did create the foundation of healing I am currently standing on. Once I realized that I was operating exclusively from a place of pain, avoidance, numbing, I #walkedon
I like to consider myself a connoisseur of bad relationships. I know how to pick ‘em and boy howdy have I picked ‘em. Especially friendships. For a long time, I tortured myself to see what past bullies/frenemies and sometimes, yes, abusers were up to—only to have to see them living their #bestlife while I walked around with a stomach ache for approximately 3-6 weeks. I would put their handle in the search bar, daily, sometimes multiple times daily, and absolutely agonize over what I had found. Some of the more malevolent people from my past would use their social media to further smear, discredit, or abuse me through subtweets or posts about me, and by my looking at it, their plan worked.
One day I decided to take matters into my own hands and to start making healthier choices. I started blocking people whose posts hurt me, people who couldn’t respect my boundary of needing space from them, and people who trolled me or left fatphobic, queerphobic, or other problematic comments on my work. And honestly? It felt good.
Any time you lay a boundary, people take it personally. Sometimes it is personal. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t lay it. We are all in charge of our own mental health, our own happiness, our own peace, and our own energy. If something makes you upset, its OK to disengage.
Be honest. How many people do you hate follow? How many people come across your feed and cause you to roll your eyes or feel a kind of low grade rage? How many people do you follow just hoping something bad will happen to them? How many people do you follow out of obligation, because you fear the backlash of the UnFollow? How many people do you keep on your mutual list just because you don’t want them to think you’re a bad person? How many people do you keep muted because you find them really fucking annoying, but you can’t bring yourself to make the commitment of the dreaded UnFollow. (I’m sure lots of people feel this way about me and if that’s true, I lovingly release you <3)
I like to think of my virtual space as my internet bedroom. I want to see stuff that teaches me, that helps me grow, that feels healing and inspiring to me, that makes me laugh, that makes me love, that is beautiful or interesting, I like to see gorgeous people and sunsets and people with pretty manicures crumbling soap. What I don’t like to see are hateful politics, Jordan Peterson stans, too much TSwift content, or people who have emotionally abused me doing well. So I mute. I block. I delete. I unfriend. I unfollow.
I have received some backlash from this. But honestly, it’s no different than anyone who expects permanence when something has so very obviously run its course. I am autistic. I have no interest in engaging with people who only keep me around to make fun of me. I am an intensely earnest person, there’s a lot of make fun of, so go ahead, I just don’t want to see it. I don’t want to engage with anyone who competes with me. Competition leads to resentment and schadenfreude. I believe in the evil eye. I don’t care to have that shit mixing with my intention, spells, or energy. I’m workin’ magick over here!!!!
I’m not here to be contrarian or to hurt feelings. I just think this idea that we need to always know everyone we’ve always known is just absurd. And it’s pretty new. Used to, if you broke up with someone, you could avoid them—now you’re expected to like their every post. And it’s gonna be a no from me, on that one, dawg. We’re ministering the philosophy of Walking On in this corner of the internet.
So much of life today is about forcing yourself to do things that don’t feel good (lol @ work), shouldn’t our cyber experience be a positive one? Shouldn’t it at least come with a little escapism? You’re the master of your domain, baby!! Act accordingly.
The internet encourages us to know everyone we've always known. To unfriend or unfollow someone is the modern-day equivalent of peeling off your old-timey glove and slapping someone across the face with it. Cyberstalking people we no longer know IRL is so passé at this point it's basically a meme. Hate following and trolling have become nearly legitimate hobbies. Sitting here in my almost mid-30s nursing-home-rocking chair, I can't help but wonder... is this healthy? Listen here.
