Other People
Hell can absolutely be other people.
And not only in the Jean-Paul Sartre kinda way.
But he is right, we can’t escape other people’s perceptions of ourselves.
First of all, everyone seems to be more than willing to tell you what they think about you (and are usually more comfortable relaying the negative verses having to deal with the uncomfortable vulnerability of relaying the positive) but also, from the time we are born, so much we learn about being human comes from external reactions to our behavior. We know what is good and bad based on how other people respond to us.
The big problem with this is that people aren’t always conscious with their perceptions—meaning, they aren’t sure when they are projecting or being honest; and it isn’t always easy to tell when someone’s being honest or when they’re being mean (or when they’re being honest and being kind, for that matter).
Being a human is so messy.
And made all the messier when clouded by trauma.
Hell can also be other people who aren’t present and aware as they move through the world. Think of the hot-headed rode rage guy or someone who’s abusive to service industry folks, or a friend that’s exceedingly self-involved. Sometimes just commuting to work can feel like a test towards my faith in the inherent goodness of humans. That’s not even to mention the billionaires, politicians, internet trolls and status quo automatons who continue to refuse to surrender to progress, hereby making all of our lives harder.
Honestly, the small every day inconsiderate choices people make is enough to drive you to run away to the woods and become a Bigfoot. Blocking the whole isle with your shopping cart while you meander around other parts of the store?! Physically putting your hands on people to ensure you get on the train before them?! Back-handed compliments?! Gaslighting?!?!?!
The point is, other people really can make your life hell.
Before you learn discernment and you find yourself in the wrong relationships, it seems like your greatest fears about yourself are always being mirrored back to you in a way that makes them feel like truth. It makes it hard to see the good in you. It makes you insecure and it dims your precious light.
But after you tap into discernment, you start encountering loving, open hearted people, people who see the good in you and who mirror it back to you in a generous way. They make you feel worthy of love because they love you. They help you grow by nurturing you and reassuring you. The positive, loving, confident voice within you is louder when you are with them. This is when people can be heaven, too.
Sometimes I find myself walking through the city, headphones blaring, eyes forward, holding my breath for the stress of getting from one place to another, living in a place where capitalism reigns supreme, everyone in a hurry, only able to see their path, their timeline, getting their piece of the proverbial pie. It makes me anxious and it makes me feel hopeless. It’s easy to forget that people can be kind and deep, or silly, or strange in some truly beautiful ways. But then, inevitably, between songs or breaths in the podcast I’m listening to, I’ll overhear something sweet or funny or wise coming out a stranger’s mouth and I will be overcome with the feeling of affection. Affection and gratitude, for existing as a human in this moment with these people.
It isn’t always easy to shake off the heaviness of living in a world where you fare better the more selfish you are. But it’s only that way because that’s how we have made the world. It isn’t always easy to leave negative encounters behind and to turn up the volume of the positive ones. But, when you can manage to, it does make your life easier, brighter, more hopeful, more patient. It makes the world a softer place, if only in microscopic ways.
So be conscious as you move through the world. Move with the intention that you will leave it better than you found it. Be patient when you see someone doing their best, say thank you often and genuinely, compliment a person when you think something nice about them. Continue to heal so that your heart can stay open. We need it and we need it bad.
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