Common Traits of Adults with Childhood Trauma

I am a product of the self-help section of my local bookstore. My first planted seeds of healing were in the words of Dr. Maya Angelou via Oprah Winfrey waking me up from my afternoon naps after the energy-zapping days of public school. Dr. Angelou wasn’t exactly self-help, but the way she explained life and love and healing definitley taught me (and Oprah!!) a thing or two. Sometimes if I want to nap I will put on the Oprah show and wake up expecting to hear my grandma clangin’ around in the kitchen. I tried Eckhart Tolle and The Drama of the Gifted Child and everything under the sun. The most powerful and transformative being Toxic Families: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan R. Forward. I cracked that one open 10 years ago and began the crawling-through-broken-glass-and-barbed-wire journey of self-healing that I am still on today.

Spirituality came into play and joined forces with the practical application of these mental health strategies and here we are. It never fails, though, when I’m working on a wound, I return to the self-help section.

I know many people regard this as cheesy pseudo psychology, but where I’m from in Norfolk, VA there aren’t many mental health resources (or medical health resources to be honest with you) and you are often left to your own devices as far as feeling better. Many people turn to substances. Some have felt so hopeless as to consider taking their own lives. I have experience with both of those things. When you don’t have a hand to reach for is it so far-fetched to think that any help could make a difference?

I recently read Adult Children of Alcoholics by Dr. Janet G. Woititz EdD because I grew up knowing that nearly every adult who took care of me was struggling with one addiction or another. I was told my whole life that I had alcoholism in my blood and that if I wasn’t careful, it would happen to me too. I was scared of drinking. That’s why I didn’t even have my first sip of alcohol until I was 19—and didn’t get drunk until a year later. But then, I lost control. I loved the feeling of oblivion and I went there again and again and again.

I have been completely sober for several months now, for the first time in about 15 years. This clarity of being has lead me to the ACoA book, which affirmed much of what I already knew, but has helped me commit ever deeper to my newfound and sacredly-held sobriety. I was finally ready to heal the wound surrounding substance issues, escapism, not being chosen, instability, and much more. What I found was a checklist that applies to almost everyone I know who suffers from any kind of childhood trauma—its more universal than the title of the book would have you believe.

So, like always, I studied and researched and now I’m reporting my findings to the void

Adults Survivors of Childhood Trauma may

• Have to guess at what ‘normal’ is

• Have difficulty following through on things

• Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth

• Judge themselves without mercy

• Have difficulty having fun

• Take themselves very seriously

• Be extremely responsible or extremely irresponsible

• Overreact to changes over which they have no control

• Constantly seek approval or affirmation

• Feel inherently ‘different’ from other people

• Have problems in relationships

• Be extremely loyal even when it is undeserved

• Be impulsive

Any pattern of behavior created by childhood trauma is heal-able, is correct-able, and it’s never ever too late. Self-help and self-love can be a safe tool for building a sense of self based on healthy behaviors, a more loving inner voice, and the kind of confidence that glows from the inside out. If you see yourself in this list, don’t worry, there’s nothing to ashamed of or feel hopeless about. You can cultivate within yourself the love and safety you’ve always longed for. One day at a time.

Want to know more about which books have helped me heal? Listen here!

Listen here // Watch here

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