Healing the Common Traits of Adults with Childhood Trauma
One day I got tired of running.
I got so tired I couldn’t even walk up a flight of stairs at work.
I kept telling the doctor something was wrong with me.
At times I was sure I could feel myself knocking at Death’s front door.
The crumbling of the illusion of functioning I had haphazardly stitched together
started to shred at the seams like the thighs of my favorite jeans.
I wanted love and yet I ran into the arms of ambivalence,
I wanted safety but I looked for solace in dwellings of danger.
I was so lonely though I seldom let myself be alone.
Healing began in the burst of a bubble,
a flood of tears that wouldn’t stop coming,
a surrender to “broken” that didn’t give way to shame,
or did but I kept feeling anyway.
The reality is, the things that kept you safe in childhood start to look like dysfunction once you’re grown.
Correcting the toxic patterns that once served as lifelines to survival is the hardest and most beautiful thing I have ever done. It is my greatest achievement, my biggest passion in life, and the most loving thing I have ever done for myself. This is my life’s work and it’s the place where all my other work flows from.
The autonomy that sprouts from awareness is empowering as all get out. The ability to protect myself from people who mean me harm, from situations that aren’t good for me, and the temptation to step out of my integrity heals something in me that is so deep I think I may have come into the world wounded. Maybe we all do.
I am tap dancing in the dark through life, just like everybody. I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I do know this
You can absolutely heal yourself.
No matter how far you think you are from feeling better. No matter how far off course you may have drifted. Just put one foot in front of the other—and one day you’ll look back and marvel at how far you’ve come.
listen here // watch here
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